So much transpired in November and December which is not documented here.  It is all washing over me in the middle of the night and it is clear He is calling me to come clean.  The problem in this moment is that it is a jumbled mess of thoughts.  Rather than allow chaos to rule, or darkness to set in, I cried out, “Jesus, help me.”  The quick answer for now is to post the letter I wrote to my children to encourage them for the year ahead:

Blake & Morgan,                                                                                                     December 30, 2016

The past few years have been filled with so much love, phenomenal growth and so many special moments.  Seriously, we have been blessed immeasurably more than we ever dared to dream and we all know it.  When I consider just the material blessings of our home, lifestyle and vacations, it makes my head spin.  But the growth we have all had spiritually and emotionally knocks me off my feet and means so much more.  At 14 and almost 16, I understand how life can seem too busy to stop.  I understand that you don’t like to go back to basics and on some level, this letter may feel very basic to you both.  But, after much prayer, I keep getting the same answer.  The simplest truth is the most important one.   So, I am going to share what is on my heart in the least amount of words possible.

God has been very active in our lives.  Please don’t gloss over it and let them be quasi-empty words.   THINK about it:  Just over three years ago, we were still living at The Verandas., We started CV from that cramped apartment and Mark had to keep working out of state to pay our bills. After more than six months in business, we still had to roll hundreds of dollars in coins to get our bills paid.  We weren’t always sure how but we always believed God would provide if we did our part.   We stayed faithful in our tithing through it all.   God was actively leading our relationships with Him and each other.   In June of 2014, Mark was off the road full time and you two went to Camp Whatever.

It’s impossible to let everything after June 2014 soak in without giving all the glory to God.  When I think of how much He has shown us his presence in our lives and his love for us, I am speechless.  Again, the simplest truth is the most important one.   From the moment you were both saved, we have been repeatedly blessed.  The closer Mark and I grew in our own relationships with Jesus, we were blessed even more.  You two get baptized, have Winter Escape, YEC, Super Summer and tons of moments with your youth group.  God was active in all of that growth, no doubt.  I get baptized, Mark & I marry the following Sunday and BAM, BAM, BAM…our first cruise, our first real home together and so much more.  I believe God used another Winter Escape, YEC, Super Summer and your Experiencing God study to keep pulling you two back to Him this past year.

As hard as it is to admit, it is easy to forget the basics in our walk with Christ. We are human.  We ALL takes things for granted, at times.  We don’t intentionally forget or do it to hurt anyone.  It just happens.  Like any relationship, it’s normal to feel close and then feel distant.  I think I am supposed to make sure you both hear those exact words.  Any time you may feel distant from Him, trust me, He is still there loving you and anxious for you to seek Him out in your daily lives.  He wants us to open our hearts and our Bibles and hear Him.  As good as He has made our lives, I believe He wants to show us and grow us even more.

As we begin a new year, my prayer is that you will both pause and remember how God has been so active in your lives.  You know,  the moments He has lifted you up so high you felt like He gave you wings.  I want you to think of moments where you knew, unequivocally, with Him, ALL things were possible.  I also want you to remember when He has broken you to accept the depth of His love for you.  He only breaks us to make us stronger and to reshape us more in His image.  Being broken isn’t always a “bad” thing.   Remember how it felt to know that God was reaching out for you. I know you have both felt exactly what I am expressing.  Whatever those moments and truths are for each of you, my deepest prayer is that you will cling to them in 2017 and for the rest of your lives.

On a personal note, I am very proud of you both.  You are such intelligent and inherently good kids.  I love your humor and style that are developing unique to who each of you are as individuals.  I love those soft places in your hearts that I am blessed enough to experience in this life.  I appreciate your differences and love you both so very much.  And yes, I do pray daily that you learn to love each other better.   As much as I love you and would lay down my life for you, I know He loves you even more.  How?  He already gave His life for all of us.  Again, the simplest truth is the most important one.

You are both loved deeply and unconditionally. NEVER forget that, please.  I promise my next letter to you will be filled with silliness and examples of your awesomeness.   Happy New Year!

To the moon and back, baby.  Always,

Mom