Today is Wednesday, May 1, 2024. Part of me feels like March and April went by extra slow, yet they also feel like a hyper-quick blur. Until I have clearer understanding of WHY time was warped during the “BPP” aka Blood Pressure Palooza, I am trusting He is going to get me there in His Timing. He always has and always will. Hebrews 13:8 is clear: Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, and today, and forever.

This morning, I had a follow up appointment to get new bloodwork completed. Getting up extra early for a doctor appointment, I didn’t have the time to study or linger in God’s Word. Arriving at work, I planned to study some similar themes in Psalms and Isaiah. They have been on my mind since last Thursday.

Before diving in, I stopped to read the daily devotion in One Minute with God (for Women). No shocker, it was about RENEWAL! What a wonderful question to ask God. How MORE or DIFFERENTLY can God renew me? Immeasurably more, no doubt.

For now, this is more than enough. Thank you, Lord. I see you have me here for a bigger “in the future” purpose.

Isa 43:19 pulled me from sleep around 2:15 am. Woke up hearing “Graves into Gardens” in my spirit and remembering the T-shirt I wore yesterday with Isa 43:19 inscribed. Considering the depths of yesterday’s thoughts, it is not a coincidence The Spirit has me up at this hour.

Christina is my newest favorite goat. How very different for me to have so many thoughts creatively, spiritually and for them to be centered on my Godversation with Miss Christina today.

Lord, you pulled me in the wee hours to jot this gist for another time. I am praising you for everything under the sun and posting this reminder in obedience. You have my list! Thank you for always listening. Thank you for hearing my prayers Christina’s father and family. I trust you completely and ask in Jesus’ name. Amen.

Yesterday, the Holy Spirit truly had His way with me. In Psalm 77 around 9 am, it took seven hours to write before sending to our Bible Study Small Group. While I do see things I would edit in my flesh, I am to preserve this exactly as it was sent yesterday.

For the record, the acknowledgement it was my third request for testimony should have included something about it being in His Timing. Also, I wrote in Futina’s journal between 4-8 am this morning. I was wrong. It was from Marshall’s, not TJ Maxx. In fairness to myself, I do not go shopping often and I often intermingle the two stores.

Father God, you know the need in my heart. Thank you for all the ways you have moved this week NOT listed here. Thank you for sending Your Helper as I prayed over my husband today. Cleansing tears only come from you. I beyond humbled, in tears, praising you. I am praying, believing completely in the way you are removing the dross. You know I ask all things in the name of your precious son, Jesus, and every drop of blood He so graciously shed for humanity…including me. Amen.

💜✝️💜✝️💜✝️💜✝️💜✝️💜

Cassie, we prayed for your recovery this week and continue to pray. So glad you are on the group chat! When you and Mando were given your car, a new floodgate opened. I will write that out in His Timing. It’s just important you know it if you read this testimony.

There is much behind the image I sent this morning for Psalm 107:20. My personal intention was to ONLY share the image. Just His Word.

In my flesh, all you would get is the image with His Word.

That said, THREE times I have been gut punched in the Word this morning, so the story must be shared. It’s no accident I emphatically encouraged those at the table Wednesday to share their God Stories. Repeatedly. Acknowledging this in this moment is my third group request.

Isa 63:7 was the flip Thursday before I sent that video to our group. I always google for images of a verse which stands out to me each morning when I do not have time for a deep dive at home before work. This is how I hold myself accountable to study His Word at the shop.

My Isa 63:7 starts at top two lines of page 1276. “I will tell of the kindnesses of the Lord, the deeds for which He is to be praised”. Both pages were unmarked. The solitary note is dated 3/14/24 “Thank you for compelling me to ask our small group to WRITE DOWN GOD MOVES. #GRAVEROBBER. “💜✝️💜

When I googled for that image once I arrived to the shop, Psalm 63:7 was returned to me. This happens more than I have documented. It makes zero sense from a technology perspective. It does, however, make perfect sense to me through spiritual eyes.

The image for Psalm 63:7 was what I call a midnight butterfly. 🦋 It looked a lot like the brand new journal I brought to group Wednesday. I was blown away! “Because you are my help(er), I sing in the shadow of your wings”. Yes, sir!

The Holy Spirit gave me Psalm 63:7 the day AFTER watching a Jordan Peterson video about Being a Monster with my daughter and our group studying More than Words:Sight by Pastor Robert.

After watching the Monster video with Mark a few days ago, I felt very led to share the “monster” perspective with Morgan during her visit. The video is about understanding our own “shadows”. Trust me, it is not something I would have shared in my flesh. Too many triggers for the younger generation, especially for my Morgan. A genuine Godversation with my daughter ensued. Praise God!

At the dinner table Wednesday, I shared the gist of our visit was focused on Perspective and Intention. I can’t recall if I shared the “monster” video part. I digress. It’s being pressed that I got very long, back to back and beautiful visits from my daughter this week. Massive blessings on countless levels. Thanking God for all of it!

Back to His Word. (Btw, I just typed Wo to type WORD and GLORY appeared ). Interesting to me…but I am wondering if Psalm 63:7 is specifically special to anyone else in this group. In this moment, I need to share with Marty, Susan and Laurie that I do not know what I prayed for exactly regarding Laurie’s dad,Jerry, as we were preparing to leave. I am praying specifically today for Jerry Psalm 77.

Before I get to the rest of the story as it applies to YOU, I should clarify the purpose of this mini-novella.

Please consider this testimony to the many Godversations and three powerful breakthroughs at our shop Thursday and Friday. Karen, Dottie and Futina were the breakthroughs. I must share one now.

Futina=Photina. My Mark is my witness. Long story short, heard “Futina” on Christian station as woman at well on the way to work Thursday. Friday, she came to the shop. I shared that I heard what I thought was her name on the radio but could not find her name in my Bible. Well, I googled from my phone FUTINA in BIBLE and as she was standing at the counter, PHOTINA and John 4 were returned.

Context: I met Futina for the first time last month. We prayed in the shop that day. She had foster kids removed from their home and was distressed and broken. Her husband is from Ghana. Not important to me, but she has specified that detail three times. Since it’s important to Futina, I am noting it. She had one adult child at home who was about to give birth “next month”. It reminded me of Robert and Delores Lee…and when Robert stayed at the Sterns’ home.

Futina returned while I was out the over these past weeks with poor blood pressure. She gave Mark a brand new journal to give me. How incredibly sweet and thoughtful! To clarify, this is NOT the butterfly journal.

This journal is different, as each of us is different. It is from a senior citizen who I KNOW is facing financial challenges. May God bless Futina immeasurably more for spending three dollars on a journal at TJMaxx to bless one of the owners at her vape shop!

God bless her. She didn’t know the sticker was where it was located. I was relieved and smiled to know it was a 3 dollar journal !! She met me once. We prayed. She blessed me with this precious gift. The fact it was THREE dollars is a detail meant to be preserved.

After praying this morning, it’s clear what I am to do with the journal she gave me. I am to write down my prayers for her in it and return it to her whenever it is filled. I am beginning with Psalm 77 for Futina. Psalm 77 is also for Jerry McKinney (Laurie’s dad), my friend Elizabeth getting treatment alone in Florida and many more.

If you would like to write out a short note of encouragement or prayer for Futina, I would love to include them in “her journal”.

You see, when she visited yesterday, we learned the baby was born healthy. Praising God for the healthy baby…she tells me she hasn’t held the baby yet. She is in distress and my heart is crushed for her.

The daughter left the hospital without letting her mother meet her grandchild. In fact, she sent her mother home to get the car seat and was gone when Futina returned to the hospital. I can’t imagine such grief. I am asking anyone reading to pray Psalm 77 fervently for her and for their reconciliation.

There is more to the Futina breakthrough, but I pray this helps preserve the Godversation and breakthrough 💜✝️💜.

Much, much more has transpired lightning-paced with my mind still operating a bit slower. Please forgive me and do not hesitate to ask questions if anything doesn’t make sense or is missing context.

In this spirit, with so much moving and shaking, I needed to be still. This morning, I began my prayer time with thanking God for ALL He has done this week. I admitted I may already be forgetting details. As I considered the week, I jotted down the “big” things that He specifically did in mine.

In the process, I look at what I posted on FB. Holy moly, I could see the things I did NOT post come to light. I also looked at my journal notes from this past Wednesday. What did God have me write down in YOUR PRESENCE Wednesday evening during the sermon?

Scripture I noted from The Robert Morris sermon on Sight…, Lev 26:26, Deu 38, Isa 4:1. Psalm 107:20,Isa 42:18, 42:20, 43:8, Jer 5:21, Eze 12:2, Zeph 1:17, Matt 13:14-15, John 9:39, Psalm 103:3 , Exo 26.

Psalm 107:20 leaped off the page because my note simply says “The WORD healed”. So, I googled for that image to center my Saturday. That is the image I sent our group.

Beautiful Godwink meant to be shared, no doubt. #GRAVEROBBER was NOT part of the sermon!!! I confirmed by pulling up the sermon and scanning the transcript.

Scripture I didn’t note Wednesday included Isa 55:12, Mark 8:13, Matt 7:17…and more. I will listen again and note every scripture I didn’t jot down last Wednesday. Why? No doubt I am being nudged to study them deeper. Those are the only ones I noted as I searched for where Pastor Robert spoke Psalm 107:20.

I should not be surprised that sermon included feeding the 5k. Mark and I watched Season 3 Ep 8 of The Chosen until last night, bringing that same miracle to life. If any of you don’t have The Chosen App, there are amazing roundtable chats between the Producer, a rabbi, a priest and an evangelical. The one for this episode lit the fire for writing it out today.

Since Bill, Tammy, Cassie, Armando and Mark were not there ….please know #GRAVEROBBER is both beautiful and funny to me. God has such a divine sense of humor! For weeks, I have struggled with incredibly low energy due to BP irregularities. No energy for physical tasks or for writing, either. Mark has done everything possible to help me recover. My body just needs more time to reset.

The point of writing it out is to reflect on where God had me and where He took me this past week. Well, I was in a sweet, quiet place as I headed over for our group meeting. I was praying for Mark’s health and other things. Very un-Carol-like in the quietness. 🤣🤣🤣

As I was pulling into The Sterns’ driveway, God controlled the airwaves. I am claiming it. Peaceful serenity was removed powerfully hearing David Crowder sing GRAVEROBBERS for the first time! Listen and you will see how it could very much get someone’s blood pumping!

Still at peace internally, it was a different type of peace. It was as if God was telling me to get super excited for what He was going to teach me Wednesday night. Today, it makes perfect sense to me.

I rocked out in that driveway until the song ended. Then I had to pray to not bring that boisterous “hyped up on sugar child like energy” into the Sterns’ peace filled home.

Christine and Terri and I shared three songs in the kitchen at the end of the evening. I simply had to share how that Crowder song came on as I was pulling in the driveway. For the rest of my natural life, that song will transport me back to dancing, singing and praising in The Sterns’ kitchen. THANK YOU!!!

The other two songs were Nordeman’s The UnMaking (brought to heart when Terri used the word stone) and Tasha Layton’s Never. These were songs God put on my heart at that moment. In this moment, I am praying each of you will send me your three favorite tunes in His Timing. I feel the need for a Hope Group Playlist.

In closing, I need to confess something you may not know. I ALWAYS pray to have two ears and one mouth for our group meetings. I love all of you deeply. The last thing I want to do is offend you in ANY way. Sometimes, I just get so excited that praise bursts forth from my heart. I literally have zero power to edit it.

Tammy, I am “hearing” you speak Romans 8:1 with authority. There is no condemnation and guilt for those with Christ…every time I read Romans, I hear it. I just checked old texts and it was 6.5 years ago.

Please know I have prayed for His Will and His Restraint. It is never my intention to overwhelm or annoy. The conflict in my heart is simple. Everything good and of God given to us is meant to be shared in a way to glorify God. Everything we have is from God. Everything can NEVER be shared. Make sense? The struggle is real!

This is the group God has clearly given me to grow my heart, knowledge and faith. Our group is back to 12 members with Mando and Cassie joining! I am so grateful to ALL of you. Thank you a bajillion times over!! Truly, I thank God we are still welcomed in this group, especially since we no longer attend the same church.

Fun fact for Marty: There are 187 references to the number 12 in the Bible. (Different website says 189 in KJV). Well, 187 is also the legal code for Murder. It was a fun history lesson about the significance of the “12”.

What God has taught me through each of you is substantial. More than I could express in many lifetimes. Much has been used to “murder” some old Carol traits. For that, the world owes a debt of gratitude.

As much as I never seek to upset or annoy YOU…I pray even more to remain in His Will. I pray each of you knows how deeply you are loved, especially Mark. I pray each of you knows how grateful I am for whatever you have taught me these past 8 plus years.

As much as I love you, no doubt God loves you immeasurably more.

My heart is permanently connected to 758 Montclair Road, Fayetteville, NC. I have been back several times in recent decades to drive by the house and the cemetery. Good heavens, I can still feel how the memories came to life as I drove those roads, circled the blocks and walked by gravesites.

What I remember most was the overall feeling of hope and pure joy to spend the summers with our grandparents. After seven years in Germany, our parents would drop us off at Mamaw & Papaw’s house in May and pick us up in early August. Mamaw taught us how to cook, clean, pick vegetables and fruits from the garden and more. Green beans, blackberries, peaches, apples, cucumbers and tomatoes will never be as good as they were in that garden! Fried apple pies will never come close to their magic at 758 Montclair.

The back patio is still crystal clear in my memory. Exiting the den, you stepped down to the patio. On the right was a full-size glider couch. It was kelly green, steel like with a waffle weave type finish. This was my favorite place on the patio. I took many of my favorite lunches ever on the patio. Never a meal more divine than a bologna on white bread sandwich with grape nehi soda, provided it was served on the patio. We would play games like “Lemon Twist” and play outside or with Mike Smith next door. Actually, we had “Aunt Krysta” on the left and Rubye & Mike Smith on the other side of my grandparents’ home.

We watched Andy Griffith, I Love Lucy and The Monkees. We laughed, went to play Bingo and usually spent a week or more at White Lake. I loved our summers with our grandparents.

When we moved to Tennessee in August 1980, we lived at 415 Kimberly Drive. It’s strange, really. Many years have passed since I lived there. However, typing the address brings the house into clear focus. I am outside on the deck, just outside of the sunroom. I can see my mom falling to her knees. All I can hear is her guttural scream upon learning her mom had passed while she was driving home. Daddy met her in the driveway to share the news.

What transpired a few weeks earlier was Easter at the house. What my parents did not know was that my mamaw conveyed her impending death to me. She did not tell me she was dying from cancer or that she would be gone. Still, she conveyed it to me without any words. We left the family room without speaking a word, went to my bedroom and held hands over the floor while we each sat on the twin beds. Somehow, without recalling the words spoken, the feeling washes over me again and again. My mamaw did not believe she would ever be returning to Tennessee, that is for certain.

After the visit at Easter, my mom traveled back to Fayetteville, NC, with Mamaw and Papaw. Mamaw had surgery and was in the hospital most of the time. After nearly two weeks away from us, mamaw told mom it was time to get back home. It was long before cell phones. Mom didn’t find out her mom died until arriving home after eleven hours of driving. Although it’s been nearly 43 years ago, I still choose to not celebrate Mother’s Day when it falls on May 8.

Nearly 17 years after she died, I experienced my mamaw’s presence at my wedding to the father of my children. There are photos of my papaw and I dancing and smiling as we danced. The last string of photos is both of us in complete tears. I looked at my sweet papaw and before I could say a word, he said, “I know, honey. I felt her, too!”.

Thank you, Lord, for bringing my Papaw and I the most precious comfort of what felt like our Ruby Lee Cloer in the room. What an awe- inspiring wedding gift!

When we got married, we were renting a home on Lamura Lane. Instead of a honeymoon, we went on a “Family Moon Cruise” in July. It was important for us four to celebrate as a “unit”. For an “adults only” weekend getaway, we went to Tunica, MS in mid-August 2015. For us, playing blackjack is like any activity which costs money to play. We approach it like an “entertainment budget”.

As we were driving home, we received notification our lease was up for renewal. Both of us were under the impression we had a two-year lease. Both of us were wrong! At that time, we were not sure if we could qualify for a home mortgage. Still, the agreement was we would attempt to buy a home.

Mark had always been fond of our neighborhood, Woodmont. At the time, there was a significant amount of new construction and not much for sale. One property I loved was on Signature Court, but it was a foreclosure. We did not have time to play around and possibly NOT get a home. The house we purchased was built with another family in mind. It was built to their specifications and then something prevented them from purchasing it.

We loved the open living area downstairs and the size of our master suite. Mark especially loved the master suite tub was long enough to make a bath comfortable for him. By the Grace of God, we had just enough in cash for the down payment.

Nine years later, our home has more than doubled in value. Though we desire a house about half this size, there is nothing to buy which meets our budget needs.

Instead of being discontented, I count it all joy. Thank you, God, for giving us such a lovely home. Thank you for giving us hearts to share it with others in need. Thank you for a mortgage payment far less than renting a one bedroom apartment. We trust your timing and when it comes to pass, we will be equally or more so grateful to sell it and move forward. We will wait well, standing on Romans 12:12. Amen.

In 2004, I was a newly divorced single mom with two toddlers. Dating was not a priority to me. I cashed out my 401k and bought a home at 103 Henson in Smyrna, TN. Most of 2004 was spent on home projects like refinishing the deck and cleaning up landscaping. With two young kiddos, we essentially lived outside. Most evenings, I would write blogs or respond to others on MySpace.

MySpace friends encouraged me to consider dating. KIMBA was the dating cry. It was a made up word to essentially communicate, “Kiss It, My Beautiful Arse.” Don’t like short hair on women? KIMBA! Don’t like curves? KIMBA! Don’t like to Seek Sunshine or love God? KIMBA! Being saved by Grace means letting God save and change me- not people.

Beginning in 2005, my “deal with God”, was that I would pick three people off of a free dating website to potentially date each February. My rationale was that God has no obstacles…even mid winter blah Valentines.

In our natural element, February is not an ideal time to date. In my flesh, I would suggest late spring or early summer would be the ideal time to meet someone new. Better weather allows more outdoor activities and sunshine is naturally a boost! However, my heart was searching for a life mate, not a date. I knew God could send me my partner at any time. February seemed challenging to me, but I know He moves in His time, not mine.

In the seventh annual attempt, I met the man who would become my husband. I love Mark Aaron Clements!

I should not be surprised it has taken a prime number of years, 13, to recognize we met in a PRIME year, 2011! It was also the only year that all three of my choices wanted to meet me, as well.

Mark and I met on a free dating website known as Plenty of Fish. The three men I chose as “potential partners” were completely different in every manner: physical, intellectual and spiritual. Steven was a father of two, a licensed psychiatrist and incredibly handsome. His maturity and depth allowed us to maintain friendship the past 13 years. The other gentleman was never married, no kids and a slick Sales Executive. Good guy, just not meant for me. Mark had been married for 15 or so years and never had children. What separated Mark the most was his deep faith and incredible humor.

I had been out with Steven when Mark messaged me on the website. My meeting with the second date was during the first few days Mark and I were emailing thru PoF. At this point, I still had interest in Steven, but knew I would not consider seeing the second date again.

While the emails were great, Mark sent me his phone number in case I ever wanted to talk. At first, I simply texted him and we bantered back and forth via short texts. Back then, you often had to press a number two or three times to get the right letter to text.

One of our favorite memories are tied up in lyrics from Grease. I texted him around Feb 8 that I was having chills during an ice storm. He responded by asking if they were multiplying. 🤣. The Grease lyrics directed us to talk on the phone very quickly. February 10,2011, he picked me up with ice still on the roads. The passenger door was frozen shut and he had to literally place his hand on my lower back to get me safely into the Expedition and climb over driver seat!

Since we both smoked cigarettes and the weather was terrible, I suggested we go to Baileys Sports Bar. The food was good and we could smoke inside at that time. It seemed both logical and reasonable to keep the distance short. Baileys was roughly five miles from the apartment. We are not fancy people and it was ideal. In fact, the most perfect first date possible. We laughed, ate, threw darts and enjoyed the music. I had zero doubt we were meant to know each other better.

Knowing I wanted another date meant taking a risk almost immediately. Because our first date was spectacular, I told him that if we were going to have a second date, it would need to include my kids. The last thing I wanted was to fall in love with a man who didn’t love my kids. Praise God, Mark emphatically agreed it was important to meet Blake and Morgan before going any further dating.

I understand that many parents do not let people meet their kids when dating. Certainly, it is different for everyone. For me, my kids met and still meet all of closest friends, male or female. They never associated men as being potential dates.

Within a year, Mark was living with us. First, at our apartment on Arborbed, then the rental home on Lamura Lane. Mark and I were not legally married but we were spiritually married. Still, there was internal conflict. Late April 2015, Mark officially asked me to marry him.

Roughly two weeks later, I was baptized. Coming up from the water, there was ZERO doubt I needed to tell my betrothed we needed to speed up a wedding date. It was pressed clearly into my heart. Baptised on May 3, we were married the following Sunday in my parents’ backyard. Only God would give my husband such an easy anniversary date of 5/10/15!