Did you attend Clarksville, TN Immaculate Conception back in the 80’s or 90’s?  Even if you did not attend Mass there, it’s entirely possible many of you remember Father Robert J Roeser, aka “Father Bob.  One of my fondest memories is a conversation we had at the Old Joe B’s, in downtown Clarksville in the very early 1990’s.  Yes, it was a bar and restaurant. I would occasionally meet my parents there on a Friday night, as they winded down their week.

Context matters.   I was not in church on a regular basis between 1987 and 1995.  I was raped by three APSU Baseball players in March 1987. At the time, I was responsible for President Robert O. Riggs‘ children whenever he and his wife were away on weekends. Sadly, he voiced concern for “the young woman” and was relieved of his position shortly after serving as the 11th President of APSU for 11 years. 

Some old memories began to percolate this morning and those memories clarify, somewhat, why my “season of separation” extended over seven years.  

By August 1995, I was living on Blair Blvd in Nashville.  I was still volunteering at RSAC in Nashville, the Rape and Sexual Abuse Center.  For 24 consecutive hours every weekend, I would soberly take calls from all kinds of beautiful humans. Normally, I would get home from work around 6 on a Friday and continue until 6 on a Saturday Night.   Most of the victims I spoke with had been sexually abused in egregious ways, many by their own families. It was a very dark season, with only pinches of light.   The other 24 hours, I was most often not sober.  In truth, I would drink so much alcohol that I would occasionally black out.    It was not a good time.   It was more than half my lifetime ago. I was only 27. 

I am not sure if it was August 13 or August 20, 1995.  All I know is for the first time in more than seven years, I woke up with the compulsion to get myself to church.  The closest church to my old apartment was Christ the King Catholic Church at 3001 Belmont Blvd.    I can still sense the cold of the marble entry. I remember how my heart was racing as I kneeled, “crossed myself” and took my seat 2/3 back on the right- hand side. This was over 28 years ago!

I opened the bulletin for the day and reacquainted myself with the order of Mass.  On the right-hand side, there was notification that Father Bob had passed away on August 12, 1995.  He had an aneurism on Saturday the 12^th, as he prepared his sermon for Sunday at St. Catherines in Columbia, TN.

My heart tells me it was August 13. Otherwise, why would it have impacted me so clearly?  Still, it COULD have been August 20, which happens to be the day my daddy passed away 14 years later.  I called Christ the King and spoke to someone who is going to dig for old bulletins.   Part of me recalls being shocked he had died within 24 hours of me getting back into church.  Part of me wonders if my memory is playing a trick on me.

I also looked up Char Creson, who I remember working with at RSAC in 1995.  As it turns out she still works for the same center, under a new name, Sexual Assault Center.   I am not surprised the new logo is purple with a prominent “yellow sunshine” symbol.   Oh, the sunshine symbolism which followed years to come!

By the summer of 1996, I was attending our Ten-Year High School Reunion for NEHS.  It was at that reunion my relationship with the father of my children began.  In 1997, we completed marriage counseling with Father James K Mallet.  In April 1998, he married us at Christ the King Catholic Church.  It is truly mind-numbing. In this moment, I realize I have my two amazing kiddos because HE brought me to church the day after Father Bob went to heaven.

Christ is King.  In this moment, I am still feeling that worn cushion underneath my knees.

Thank you, Lord, for the answered prayers with Pammie Sue this week for her brother, Kevin, as well as our customers/friends Jose and Sam. I am beyond grateful for your hand on Baby Malachi’s heart surgery, too! THANK YOU! I love the way you show up and show off when we invite you into our daily lives. I know you know exactly what I need for your purposes…so I am asking for more of you and less of me in the process. In the name of your son, Jesus, and every drop of blood shed for us, I ask for your will to be clear. Amen.