The three part mini-series at church on temptation concluded on Sunday. We were asked to pick one of three things to improve our spiritual health and battle temptation. More time in the Word , more time in prayer or less time with people who are not good for our spiritual health. For me, being in prayer and being in the Word are almost the same process.

While I reflected on my friendship tree as I approached my 50th Birthday, I gave God all the glory for the ways He has changed our lives over the past decade, as well. It seems perfect to me that He has flipped me to two related scriptures the past two days regarding prayer.

Thank you, Lord. As always, I long to have your presence seen and Known in my life. I pray to know and love you better. My heart is garbled today and under the duress of legal obligations. Please, Lord, release me from this angst, protect me from all forces working against me and direct my thoughts accordingly. In Jesus’ sweet name, I pray.

It should not matter whether *REDACTED* judges and condemns every word I have written in My God Room. His opinion should not matter to me. Still, the devil is in the details and the way *REDACTED*  convinced my son to think I had “shoved God down his throat” a few years ago weighs heavy on my heart.

Being forced to go through more than two years of ugly texts and emails has been hard on my spirit in many ways. It’s been especially exhausting between the kids being sick last week and out of school all of this week for bad weather. I have had little to zero privacy for two weeks. I have stayed up until crazy hours getting the production of documents together and lost a lot of sleep with sick kids. Menopausal women have zero business staying up all night or doing anything thing to negatively impact their sleep routine. We’ve been down this road with the FDA for several months last year. God guided me through that chaos; I know God will get me through this mess, as well. I will rest in Him the way my son rested with me on his birthday.

For example, the positive side of going through over two years of texts and Facebook posts is being reminded of the beauty in my relationships with my kids, husband and others. God is everywhere. It makes me smile when I intend to type GOOD and God appears. 😊

Father God, please remove any and all obstacles which hinder my relationship and focus on you. Thank you for the encouragement at 4 am to come study, read and remember what you have taught me. Keep me close, present and focused on things not of this world. My relationship with you makes every earthly relationship more meaningful. In Jesus’ name, I pray.

Praise God! He knows I have been struggling and he delivered me to scripture to ground me.

I am a child of God. I need to embrace this with even more fervor and passion each morning. I do not want to be a slave to hurt or control or anything else tossed my way by anyone. Period.

Lord, help me to only be a slave to Loving and worshiping you in word and deed. Let my love for you hold me captive. Please. In Jesus’ name, I pray.

I am struggling.  People do not control us completely.  However, we all have people in our lives capable of exerting influence which resembles control.   People impact every decision in this world in one way or the other.  Still, I know this world is not the most important.

We must cancel our Italy trip and it’s not about money. We aren’t financially rich, but we have saved over half a million AMEX points through work and a ten- day trip would be super cheap. We can’t plan to leave the country for at least another two years. Maybe we will make it for Mark’s 50th Birthday, since we miss mine. Lord, please remove any spirit of fear and restore our household to the hope in your promises.

***REDACTED DETAILS***   I can’t make it “all better”, but I can do small things to improve the overall impact. Hopefully, I will be close to the financial restitution number put on my heart before our seven -year anniversary. What he has given our kids is priceless and it won’t surprise me if God blesses the entire situation. Lord, thank you for always showing up when we most need it, according to your will and not our own.

I do encourage time with his friends, “Guy Trips”, mission work and anything else possible. Still, it’s not the same as being able to travel with me. We have lost many freedoms the past 8 months with this challenging situation. Thank God, this frustration rarely shows on his face. It’s hard to hide the hurt on mine. ***REDACTED*** I know that is exhausting, as well.

Truth be told, my husband has loved my kids better the past seven years than I could ever put into words.  He is a spiritual leader, and his actions overflow to every facet of daily life. One on one conversations, intentional activities, being present, thoughtful and blessed with the humor which able to bring levity to any situation. My kids have said the same many times the past few years. Good grief, even my ex-husband has talked about what a good guy Mark is and is grateful to have him in our kids’ lives.

Father God, thank you for blessing me with such a wonderful spouse. Please help me be an even better wife and partner.

Mark is always supportive and willing to serve or help with whatever any of us need.  We were bound on our first date because our spirits are aligned with similar traits.  We have literally “felt married” since our second date.

Satan, get behind us, you are not welcome in our home, in our lives or in our spirit. In Jesus’ name, I pray any ground you have touched in our lives will be restored to Our King of Kings. I ask all of this by the blood of our precious savior, Christ Jesus. Amen.

Between reading the book about the Spirit of Jezebel, the message we heard Sunday and waking up today with thoughts formed a certain way, I know God is with me.

Let us all hear, Lord. Thank you for loving me so deeply and speaking to me so clearly. I love you.

Watched Miles McPherson with the kids and Mark yesterday. It’s clearly the message I have needed repeated. God used it to give me the right words with Morgan after her solo experience yesterday.  **REDACTED*

Lord, keep me close. Draw me closer.  Surround me, completely.  In Jesus’ sweet name, I pray.  Amen. 

Help me be pure. I love you. In Jesus’ name, I pray.

Lord, I long to be salt and light.  Please continue growing me to be more of both…more you, less me. I love you.

Surely, the spirit in my heart has been one of humiliation, fear and anger. Miles McPherson showed some of that to me yesterday morning while Mark and I watched two of his sermons dealing with contracts made with Satan. My authority is in Jesus and God. I aim to work every day to tear up any hidden agreements made with Satan. I will seek harder only the voice of God to direct my life and the power Jesus has in my life.

And leaving the growing to God. This is hard. Lord, I love you. Please guide me.