Miss you, Dad. Taking Mark’s pop to a Cowboy Church today.

Mark and I shared Acts 12 this morning and talked about how God answered our joint, out loud prayer yesterday with Blake and his dad. Still too much to process.

Lord, thank you for my wonderful husband. Bless his birthday and may we bless you in it. I love you.

This is a little tougher today after much conversation about*****REDACTED PARAGRAPS*****.

Lord, please protect my heart from being crushed.

For results. Crying. Thinking. Praying.

Beginning around 4:30 yesterday afternoon, there was an unraveling in our home. I was upset.  Repeating requests ad infinitum is “THE” thing which is the catalyst for any anger erupting.  I don’t know how to control it.  We can be self-aware and even strong Christians and still get angry. Must repent in earnest and do better.

****REDACTING DETAILS *** It’s like two more kids who refuse to clean the single dish in the sink.

Lord, when I am angry or hurt, I don’t know the words.  I am finding comfort in knowing you know every word on my heart.  Thank you for helping me grow.  I wish it didn’t hurt so much, but that’s the path and joyfully accept the next step forward.  I love you.

My encouragement to you today came thru a call with a friend in Texas. Walk into the room or before bed- hold his hands, bow your head and say a one sentence prayer out loud. Together.  It is powerful and palpable.

Lord, please help us make less of ourselves and more of you. Father God, thank you for my husband and children. Thank you for our entire community. Please keep our hearts opened to all you have planned for us. Anything. Everyday. In the powerful name of Jesus, Amen.

The news my mom gave me about her breast cancer diagnosis on Wednesday remains tough to process. I spoke words to a friend this morning about not feeling guilty about “not doing *this* because the time for *this* would have taken time from *that*. As I flipped to James 3 this morning, I just lost myself in scripture about the taming of and the power of the tongue. It sure does break a lot of hearts for such a tiny part of our body.

Every thought comes back to “what can I say or do that honors God and does not betray some important lessons my kids have taught me this summer through His Word?  Is there anything I could have traded to spend that time in Clarksville? Sadly, the answer is “not really”.

Over the past three months, I would have been there, if asked or needed. ***REDACTED DETAILS ABOUT WHERE MY KIDS WERE WORKING AND THEIR CHURCH GROUP ACTIVITIES***

I could have gone by myself. Still, I want so desperately to “fix” the mother-daughter relationship and have failed miserably because I keep trying to do it in my own power. I have none. Mostly, I can look back and see where God put me for His reasons. I am convinced the reason we were all able to get through so many challenges this summer is because we put God first. I could never trade that for anyone, including my mom, kids or husband. This is the hard truth.

Still, I want to be there for my mother in any way she will allow. I am going to continue to pray for direction and the wisdom to speak the words she needs to hear.

Thank you, God, for taping my mouth shut until it’s clearly directed from you.

Pam. Fish. Deep. Morgan. Tsunami. Snow.

Going deeper and deeper.

Sarah and time to breathe. Bryan and time to move.

Mark and time to grow.

Friends and time to love.

So much is going on and a day of writing would be good for my soul.

Father God, I praise your name and than you for the words at Kendra's funeral yesterday. I thank you for a lovely, empowering lunch with my husband and the glorious conversation and time with Marisa to praise your name boldly. I know today is packed with much to do and many to serve, I humbly ask you keep me present in the moments so that I can share whatever you need to be share of your word, power, compassion and love. Please comfort the Mull family, including my mother, and draw them closer to you, especially during Steve's funeral tomorrow.