Thirty years ago,  I suffered a great evil.  Just as Jesus did not have to be present to perform miracles, evil casts a wide net.

Thank you, Lord, for taking me to Mark 7 today.  I needed you to bolster my soul.  I feel so empty and only you can fill my spirit.

This is not what most would expect by the title, but it will remind me of the silliness and pure joy I shared with with my daughter last night.  For context, she has been struggling to feel connected to Jesus for the past two months.  I wrote my kids a letter for the new year to encourage them in their spiritual relationships. Side note: I need to see if I posted it here as part of my journal.

Last week, they had another HUGE night with their youth group at church.  Real, powerful and life-changing decisions to follow Jesus were made.  Kids and leaders were all on fire in the best way.  Thank you, Father God, Thank you, Jesus, for reaching out so clearly to all of them!

Fast forward a few more days … my daughter was given a huge opportunity which she never expected.  She did not think there was any way possible for her father and I to agree and pay for it.  Well, we did.  She will be going on a cruise with her bestie and her parents.  ***REDACTED DETAILS*** Every parent I know has struggled with their teens at some point.  All I can do is encourage everyone to write letters when conflicts are repetitive.  Help the other side understand in a loving way.

I was blown away.  All of her typical attitude or energy was shifted.  We sat in the floor of my master bathroom because the sun was shining brightly.   She had some humor and grace in her words as she described how she felt doing the pooper scooper.   She has managed to avoid it for over two years!   She realized we don’t “Like” doing it either.  Then she told me she had to share something she knew I would appreciate.  My encouragement to her has been very consistent to “flip your Bible open” and just read whatever God has for you when you are feeling negative things.  She reminded me of our talk last week and the letter I wrote NYE.  She then told me she flipped her Bible open after the Superbowl for the first time in a long time.  This, after explaining how she has designed her room to bring Jesus to her dad, but that’s a different post.  She flipped to Matthew and knew she was worth more than sparrows.  She had written it on her wrist.  She pointed to our stained glass window above the tub and smiled.  Then, she talked about how it felt to read all the “bad” things in the letter and how it was so cool that I echoed that scripture in her mind through my words.  I had closed the letter telling her that she is worth a bajillion times more to us that the money. I explained it’s because she is worth so much that we would rather burn a thousand dollars on a fire than to send her on the trip with this behavior.

She also asked good questions.  I asked her, “do you understand how your dad and I feel” and she was honest.  She said, “honestly, no.  But, I am not a parent, mom.  What I do understand is how I feel when my friends don’t listen to me.  So, since you gave me life and I literally came from your uterus, I would think it’s worse for you and dad.”    Again, mind blown.

This challenge that consumed my day will be used for His glory. I feel in in every part of my being.  My husband is right to soften the blow of eventual and likely challenges. Still, it feels like our entire home is filled with the right message, His message and that is beyond exciting.  So much praise!

Love languages was the conversation with the kids last night.  Oh, how God uses the ordinary for extraordinary purposes. 

I can’t begin to write all that is on my heart.  Learning so many hate groups call Tennessee home just hurts my heart.   Learning at least two are just conservative thinking groups hurts my brain. 

Today, I am singing God’s praises to all in my path.  Women’s Center employees and Mary were special conversations.  

Thank you, Father God, for instilling a spirit of bravery and compassion.  May I use all the gifts you have given me for your glory.  In Jesus’ name, I pray. 

So much has transpired with President Trump’s first week in office.  The world is divided among deaf, dumb and desperately trying to be compassionate.

It is exhausting to listen to chaos and love others through it.  Still, that is my goal.

Sometimes, it REALLY is as simple as loving the person right in front of you. I have not been to our shop in about two weeks between our recent trip and the fact I work so much from home.

This morning, as I closed my Bible and headed to work, I finished praying in the car. I closed with “Father God, please show me how to be of service to you today. You move mountains, not me. ”

Not a two minutes later, I noticed a woman stranded in her vehicle on Almaville Road. After a brief conversation, she agreed to let me drive her home. What a blessing to me!

As He would have it, she was from Egypt. Beautiful soul. Beautiful conversation. She knew the meaning of my name was song of joy and a bright, shining light.  Her whole countenance brought me great joy today.

She invited me to come have dinner in the future. When I sit at their table, I wanted to know the meaning of her name. Once again I smile. God let me “move” a “mountain” today!!

To give me friends of different generations who are intrinsically connected by His Grace.   

Seems God wanted me awake three hours early today to really pray about my oikos.  Mark, Blake, Morgan, Mom, Teresa and Julie are family by blood. Mike must be included because he is the father of my children. My Uncle Marty and Aunt Jane, her daughters and limited family In GA, as well.   My dad’s first and second cousins in Texas.  Team Tunnell., Vicki, Rachel, Mary, Chrissie, Sarah and JoJo are like family.  It is beyond this narrow scope, yet I feel led to define it. I will consider what Pastor Kent said about how it changes and pray over the list each quarter.

Mark and I talked about this past Sunday’s sermon and how praying scripture over others is, in fact, ideal.  This morning, I flipped to Romans 1:21.  Maybe my eyes focused there first since it is my birthday.  I doubt it.  One, I don’t focus on anything at 4:30 am and two, He has shown me time and time again exactly what HE wants me to see.

Father God, I do praise you and you alone.  You created the heavens and earth and everything in between.  I thank you for your son, Jesus Christ and for allowing me to know you better with each passing day.  Today, I pray specifically for my oikos as it has been revealed to me so far.  Please, Lord, use whatever measure you must to remind each of them that you, alone, are worthy of thanks and praise.  Only you, Lord, can bring peace to our hearts which surpasses understanding.  I ask you give each of them strength to find your light in their darkness. 

In particular, today, heavenly Father, please give Mary strength as she deals with her precious Aaron’s diagnosis and future placement.  Please, Father God, put your mighty hand on Aaron and pull him back to you through his darkness and illness. As I read the earthly doctor’s book on mental illness, please give me discernment to separate medical fact from spiritual truth and to always give praise to the Master Physician.  Please, Lord, draw ***Redacted*** back to you, as well.  Oh, how she needs you, desperately!  The pain I allow her to cause is palpable and I am not sure how much of that you intend for me or if I am embracing too much.  I want to be a faithful and loving daughter, Lord.    I can not place any other living soul’s happiness above praising YOU.  Please help me ensure nothing becomes a false idol of importance in my life.  Please give me the specific strength to be the best daughter possible to YOU.  Only then am I able to pour out to others. 

You have created me to worship and love you, Lord.  Thank you for drawing me closer and holding me so near.  I love you.  In Jesus’ name, I pray. 

I finally returned to bed in the wee hours.  Around 5:30 or so, my husband woke to my tears and held me until I could breath easier.     Less than two hours of sleep before taking the kids to school.

I prayed to be humble, kind and strong enough to detour any negativity from them this morning.  I half succeeded.  It’s ok.

My job as their mom is to always point them to Jesus and to teach them how to become who God intends them to be.  It’s not always fun and positive.  My son is amazing.  Truly.  He is ranked first in his class and can be the sweetest young man.  Still,  his positive  qualities do not make it acceptable for him to constantly disrespect the time of others.   His excuses are those of a toddler, not a young man, surely equally annoying.

Ths entire generation of teenagers and young adults is scary to me, including my own.  The “why me” and “this is not fair” mantras sour my own attitude.  That is completely my fault and my own sin.  I admit it:  there is a part of me that would just want to smack a ruler across their hands or wash their mouths out with soap.  I don’t and won’t.

In these moments, even deprived of any real sleep, I have to smile that He would take time to speak to me so clearly this morning.

 

Thank you, Lord, for always doing what is right and fair, even if I am being the petulant child.  I love you.

This will not make sense to anyone else, but I need to write out some bullet points of things He has put on my heart at 2 am.

The struggles I have had the past two months are physical, emotional and spiritual.  I have not been faithful in my relationship with God.  I have tried, failed and tried again.  He has constantly pulled me back in and shown me His way, His truth and graciously shared His light with me.  Without Jesus, I know things would have been far worse.  In so many ways, God has used tragedy, hurt and heartache of others to remind me how He may want to use me.  Again, it happened today with reaching out to Mary about her son.  Thank you, Lord, for showing me that I can be used, even if I am feeling otherwise.

I have seen God at work with Vicki and Rachel.  I have been reminded He is working His way closer to each of them and am grateful He has used me in any way.  I should have written about the joy in seeing Vix’ new dining room with Peace, Love, Joy and Faith, as well as the cross above her door.  Huge Win for God!

Mark and I have still had our Godversations, just not as often. There is no blame, no fault.  We are human and fall short, far more often than either of us would like to admit.  But, I am always grateful for nights like last night, as we watched a Tim Tebow interview talking about John 3:16, after Clemson won the National Championship.  Thank you, Lord, for using something as simple as football, Dabo and Deshaun to remind me that yes, “ONLY God could make this possible”.

Despite Mark and Blake not going to church with us this past Sunday, I am also grateful for the message so clearly heard and humbled to see Morgan raise her arm in praise.  I knew in that moment that God was still clinging to her tightly.

The feelings which consumed my heart and mind last week were a hodge podge after Monique died.  So young, vibrant and needed by her family.  So beloved.  Yet, I was grateful to not be present while my younger sister attended the visitation.  I am not sure what this means except in my heart, I believed my absence could honor Mo, all the more.

This crazy political mess of the past two months has also driven a wedge in my spirit.  Why can’t the world see His truth more clearly?  So many thoughts on that one.

Mark and Jeri Blick losing their only son, a month shy of his twelfth birthday just breaks my heart for them.  Surely, God is sending us all very clear warnings to LOVE now. LIVE now.  LOVE more.  This is my pervasive thought.

As good of a mother or wife I may be in many ways, I am also tuned in to my shortcomings.  I am hyper sensitive to them in the moment.  Please, Father God, I ask for the strength to work through this path and be closer to you, as well as them, on the other side.  I love them so very much and anything I do which pulls me from you, pulls me from them. While I do not want to fail them in any way, I know it begins with not failing you and putting you first. Please forgive my shortcomings and confusion.  Please give me guidance to deal with all these hormonal-laced issues.  I desire to be a better daughter to you, wife to my husband and mother to my children.   Please, Lord, I praise you for all you have done for us and ask you for this strength in the name of Jesus Christ.