Yesterday, I shared with someone that “we”, our “team”, were working hard to accomplish a certain task.  It’s a massive undertaking and certainly not a job for the weak in spirit.  There are certainly ways I may be persecuted for the actions I am taking in faith.        There are countless ways human beings persecute and judge each other. It could be scary if He wasn’t in my corner.  Admittedly, this is a sobering and odd thought before coffee.   I am pressing forward to finish the next task, as He has called me to His purpose clearly on this one.

God has given such clear direction and encouragement to me every step of the past week.    When the Holy Spirit tells you how to get something done to honor Him, you do it.  There is absolutely zero chance I would argue against Him at this point and every chance I will fight for what He leads me to accomplish for His Glory.  Yes, Lord, I will contend for the faith you have planted in me. I will fight for you and your church with every ounce of Truth and Grace you have given to me.  Please, Father God, continue to let me be quick to hear, slow to speak and even slower to anger in any form, even disappointment.  Thank you for showing me your desire that we love with even deeper and greater intention.  Thank you for reminding me we all serve one purpose with different gifts.  It makes perfect sense to me in this moment why you would want to see all of the gifts dancing for you.   You are my soul, God, not the surface.   If I am to be a fool for anyone, I will use every gift you have given me and go dance wherever you call me.

Here is the hardcore Truth in what I told this person about our team working hard.   A few years ago, it would have been a very stretched version of the truth to say, “our team”, if I was doing a project with a few people. I was always the kid who did 95 percent of a team project in school.  My standards are ridiculous and my work ethic paired nicely.  To say the very least, it would have been  an extremely diluted version of the Truth to say “our team”.

Fast forward until my Baptism 15 months ago.  He changed all of “that” from the inside to the out.  I may have fought some of the changes, but He wins, every time.  Today, it is pure Truth when I state WE ARE.  God the Father, His Son, Jesus Christ and the Holy Spirit have made their power very clear and present to Team MC.  That is to say team Mark & Carol.

There is not any other way to explain my being awake before 5 a.m the past three days.   Well, certainly not being forced awake and forming complete sentences.

I am forming complete sentences without coffee at 4:45 a.m.  Only He can make that happen.

Thank you, Lord, for loving us all so much!  Thank you for sending your son to pay for our sins and balance your Truth and Grace.  Thank you for that sacrifice so that we can all have a spot at your table, through accepting your son, Jesus, as our Savior.   Thank you for pressing your spirit and message through Shelby’s sermon at church yesterday.  Clearly, you used him spectacularly.   I love you.  

Noon.  I just learned the 7th hour was between noon and one in the afternoon.  So, Based on where He had me flip my Bible open today, Jesus cured the government official’s son at Noon, twenty miles away. 

For many reasons, I needed the strong reminder that God and Christ have mastery over space.

I had two painful conversations on Friday.  A person I love  deeply apparently hung up on me and I called them back.  For all I knew, my car had disconnected the call. Well, I learned it was intentional and it happened a second time.  I spoke my peace via text and reminded her that we are going to love her, period.  She can not push us away.  

No response.  It hurt and then I cried out to Jesus for a long period of time.  I cried hard.  I prayed harder.  Yesterday, out of the blue, the same person sent me a happy thought for the day.  

Father God, I trust you kept me silent and in service all day yesterday for your purpose.  I trust your plan for me.  Jesus, please come and wrap your loving arms around those I love who are hurting and count me among them.  Thank you for loving me so much that you are reminding me of your promises and power in a way that I know it is you.  I love you. 

Thank you, Father God, for guiding this process of reconciliation.     I don’t understand  the whys and wherefores, but I trust you have them in your mighty Hand.  Lord, I do want to lean on my own understanding.  Please, God, keep me on the straight and narrow until your will for us comes to fruition on this earth.  In Jesus’ name…

There is nothing “small” about our adult church group or the work I believe God is doing within our group. Yesterday, I told a friend I was cooking dinner for them as if Jesus himself would be at the table, as I often feel His presence when we gather. I was in such a glorious mood, reflective of my relationship with Him.

While I love our time of fellowship, my heart rejoices when we get to in-depth study of His Holy Word.  These are spiritual leaders in our lives and discussing scripture with them brings it all the more to life.  It’s downright invigorating.   Our current study is all about reconciliation.  It’s a sensitive and complex action which requires God, forgiveness, trust and respect.    Forgiveness and including God are the easy parts.

Last night, I cried like a child in our small group.  Despite the fact I am prone to tears when truly moved, this is not a small thing.  I didn’t just share tears, I felt like my soul was bleeding out in the middle of our friend’s beautiful home.  It hurt more to consider my tears could be ruining a perfectly lovely evening with people I love so deeply.  I left feeling both uplifted and drained, joyous and sad, clear and confused.

Suffice it to say, there is a deep hurt in my heart for which I have been struggling.  The conflict is both biblical and personal.

Our group prayed over me and that made the tears flow freely.  Heck, I am brought to tears just typing this out.  Still, I am being guided to write it down.  Share it to the best of my human ability and move forward.

Last night I flipped to   1 Chronicles 5:20

20They were helped in fighting them, and God delivered the Hagrites and all their allies into their hands, because they cried out to him during the battle. He answered their prayers, because they trusted in him.

This morning, I flipped to Psalms, for the first time in months.  I will write more when the tears aren’t impacting my ability to type.

Lord, I love you.  I ask you keep your hand on my heart and on my words.

Matthew West keeps getting into our lives.  Baseball games, radio station breaks and even the mail.

Grace Wins is also a song I was compelled to share with a sweet friend a few weeks ago.  Long story short, I witnessed to the love of Jesus in our shop months ago and she went to her car and cried to the same God she had not prayed to in quite some time.  We have had many Godversations and it’s thrilling to see Him transform her life.

Shortly after we returned from California, we had time for a good visit. I told her about Grace Wins playing when Pujols took the field and attempted to play it on my phone for her.  I sent her a screen shot when it was playing in my car days later and this was part of her response:

Mark and I discussed the invitation this morning and believe we are supposed to let our company make a donation big enough to Special Kids that a large group at our church can share the concert.

Father God, thank you for loving us all so very much.  Thank you for your reminders in the big moments and the small ones, too.  Please keep your hand on our congregation so we can grow closer to you, together.  In Jesus’ name I pray…

We flipped to Ezekial this morning.  We started off with 11:16 and worked our way through 12:21-28 this morning.  The life application notes reminded us that we have, indeed, received newer and more undivided hearts.  I have very much felt my purpose in more clear ways the past year.  The notes continue on to say that all that God has said is sure to happen.  The bottom line was to not think we ever have “plenty of time to get right with God.”

Whether it was coffee deficiency or something else, I almost had to giggle on the inside.  Now, the word of God is not funny business. It’s more like an inside joke between God and myself.  He chortles, pops me in the shoulder and says, “told ya so.” Why?  Because He had directed me to reach out to people in different ways, talk to strangers in a non-stranger way and to do some other things which I would have surely debated or questioned in the past.  At three in the morning, I had just emailed someone I had not seen at church in several months.  I woke up and could not go back to sleep without complying with what I felt was His will for me at that hour.

Since last Summer, there have been many times I have had a feeling like God was completely showing off for me.  It’s been phenomenal!  Heck, even my husband has felt some of it lately. So, I don’t question or fight it anymore.  I do my very best to shut up and just be obedient.  As it turns out, the emails exchange today with Miss 3:00 A.M.  have very much been for His Kingdom.  They also spurred other actions into place, including a great conversation with our pastor and a conversation with an older woman who has long since left our church.  She was absolutely put on my heart for a reason.  Not mine, His.

As I shared with our pastor,  these past church members are important to me.  I feel called to reach out. Church is a family and every family has a crazy uncle, loud sister or nut!  We love them, regardless.   To lighten the mood, I shared with him the simplest example of God in action. I shared Mark and I had been directed to provide new shoes for a family of four in our church.  My pastor knows how forthright and practical I can be.  I explained that we let them pick out the shoes.  I went on to write:

“You will appreciate that the shoes of choice for one of the kids SEEMED like an inappropriate choice for a kid who needed new shoes. Mark and I agreed it wasn’t our place to judge/guide/lead them to “better” choices. We did what we were lead to do, period. We told them Jesus wanted to hook them up with new shoes of their choice. Theirs, not ours   Well, we both were moved to tears when we saw her wear them to church with a dress yesterday. We have never seen her in a dress. In fact, nothing close to a dress or “Sunday Best”. And there the shoes were were in all of His glorious plan , being worn to church with a nice dress to honor Him.”

It’s humbling, really, to be taught such an important lesson by the best teacher possible. God is so Good!!!  All week long, we were in the word and had so many reminders about true Christian giving.  Hard and heart-pressed.   Jesus was directing us and used a young teenager in a blue dress to drive the point home.

Thank you, Lord, for holding our hands.

Before church, we flipped to Daniel. We strive to always give the glory to God and it has been a recurring theme all week.  

During church, our pastor preached about the faithfulness of God.  I had so many thoughts during the sermon, during worship and after church while we were serving at our Volunteers Luncheon.  

The image which was stuck in my head was that of the Isrealites walking through the Red Sea.  I felt Jesus on the cross, blood raining down on all those walking across.  Then I felt myself standing there, in awe He would die for me.  I didn’t feel the fear of the water; it was clearly symbolic of everything God took from us when He gave us his son. 

It is not a complete representation, but I never want to forget the feeling.  This is the closest I could muster:

Thank you, Lord, for your faithfulness.  

As I intentionally flipped to the Old Testament, I spoke words to Mark to the effect that I felt God wanted to show me His truth was just was strong before Jesus. 

All of the talk about giving with a clear heart and various things with the kids this week just poured out in a resounding echo.  

We know the spiritual heritage we are giving them will matter more than anything else.  Thank you, God, for a clear reminder to stay the course.