Category: anger

Small Group Prayer

On By mygodroomIn anger, gratitude, obedience, prayer, WooLeave a comment

Today was exceptionally spirit filled and beautiful. I even did a cartwheel in the late afternoon and shared the silliness on our Community Vapor Facebook page.

This, all because I received a call which absolutely set me off. It was uncomfortable and painful to be that angry. I reached for our Fruit of the Spirit Bible and asked God to teach me something. Anything. Get me out of myself and my anger.

He took me straight to Job 36:16. Of course I did cartwheels all afternoon! Search My God Room for “woo” and perhaps it will make more sense.

Thank you, Jesus. Thank you for wooing me, loving me and saving me. I didn’t deserve it.

Godly Counsel

On By mygodroomIn anger, gratitude, marriage, prayerLeave a comment

Father God, I am writing the gist of what has transpired the past few days because my heart feels like it will burst if I do not write it down.

First, thank you for using me in any way to help Lyss and John in their healing.  Thank you for friendships and encouragement and for house visitors who share their time so beautifully.  Thank you for teaching me to CLIMB in more ways than one.  Thank you for showing up in spirit on Jess’ face at the climbing gym yesterday.  Thank you for humbling me in so many ways with her yesterday. Please protect her. 

You know why I am still re-reading the letter Mark gave me this morning.  While I will not write about the contents, I will acknowledge I sought Godly counsel from “PNP”.  I have no answers, only more questions.  For now, please show me what must be removed from my mind and what is to be added.  Make me more like you so I can be the wife YOU desire me to be. If it is not of you, I do not need it. Period.

The heart wrenching truth of the Ghana Romance Scams in Murfreesboro which have harmed my sweet Futina are very much sickening my heart on her behalf.   Her husband has not earned a dime in fifteen months of marriage. Her home burned down.  She got it repaired and sold it last month.  She has paid for immigration and other attorney bills for her husband, as well.  Learning the pastor, “Poppa”, is not paid a salary by the church. They pay his rent/mortgage and other bills instead. They fired the woman who moved here four years ago from Chicago for asking questions about the finances. Her job was finance. Immediate red flag, indeed.

Learning the late-night prayer action has more than worn her out, she serves her husband every meal in their bedroom and he does not engage in the household: It is all heart breaking for me.  Waking anyone, much less the elderly, to pray between 3 and 4 am feels like Brainwashing 101. Learning multiple women in her church are married to others from Ghana leads me to believe there is a criminal circle of folks involved.  For heaven’s sake, Futina doesn’t even believe the emails sent were from the man she was told to marry. I know you know all the details I am not writing. Perhaps I was to at minimum, document the outline.

Lord, please protect all those most vulnerable, especially the widows and orphans. James 1:27, 1 Tim 5:3-16 and Matthew 25:34-40 are all proof to me that your heart is already with them. I ask everything, especially the unspoken parts, in Jesus precious name. Amen.  

P.S. I love you.

Hundreds…Magnifying Lies

On By mygodroomIn angerLeave a comment

When lies escalate, more and more are lost. False teachings galore. A certain Torah teacher accused me of sending HUNDREDS of emails stirring up division. The email was clearly sent in great love and covered in prayer. I only sent the message to those I had developed personal relationships with over the course of months. Without going back to FB messaging, I am certain it more than a dozen and less than two dozen.

Accusing me of hundreds of emails is simply an egregious lie. An intentional one, as well.

Truth is the only thing which can be released from my tongue. Praise God for guarding my tongue. Once the truth was shared last Shabbat in an incredibly loving manner, it was clear from the responses the stream of GLH is drying up, indeed. Protect them, Father God. She is a talented teacher and knows better than me. When we know better, shouldn’t we all do better?

Continued lies and doubling down on nonsense is just nonsense. It’s painful nonsense, but nonsense none the less.

Lord, help me forgive their cold hearts.

Confession

On By mygodroomIn anger, blessings, music, obedience, prayerLeave a comment

Mark has a 1991 New International Version Bible.  If you search the NIV today, the word “confess” is not present.  However, when I opened his Bible this morning, Romans 10:10 said, “For it is with your heart that you believe and are justified, and it is with your mouth that you confess and are saved.”

I am fairly certain no one on this earth could understand the depth of what I felt this morning better than Mark.  He completely understood that out of the entirety of every word on that page, the word “CONFESS” took me back to our conversation yesterday morning.  I believe God is leading me to really look deeply at the subject and necessity of confession.  Scratch that, I believe He is leading US to look at it.

romans10v10

Yesterday, there was an intense, yet brief, period of disagreement between myself and my children.   They are teenagers, so this is not a foreign occurrence in our home.  Still, it was exceptionally brief and intense.  As they went upstairs to sulk, pray or think about it, I was praying and seeking guidance downstairs.  Ultimately, I texted them my apology for allowing anything to impact me enough to agitate me and asked them earnestly to forgive me, sooner than later.  Texting wasn’t an ” easy way out”, it was a thoughtful one.  When my kids are irritated, the fewer the words, the better.  It is hard for them to truly hear me and look at me at the same time when they are remotely upset.  Heck, it’s hard for them to hear and look at anyone at the same time, happy or sad!   Regardless, we had a wonderful evening and Mark was unaware we had any issues before he arrived home last night.


Today,  I am praying and considering the sins which I need to confess to anyone in my life.  What can I share in the most loving of ways to shed light on any darkness I may have brought into the world?  What could I say to my mother?  What things should I share with my husband?  My children, friends, church family?  Bottom line, I do believe the “Catholics got confession right” in the spirit of needing confession.  I don’t believe one must confess to a priest.  Mark and I talked again about how the cross changed everything.  We can take it all to Jesus, yes.  But, what should we confess among ourselves?

Father God, thank you for loving me enough to give us your son, Jesus, on the cross.  Thank you for every opportunity to make restitution in our daily lives.  I pray you will use whatever is broken in me to let your light in even brighter. I pray you will reveal to us those transgressions you would most desire for us to confess.  Thank you for the talent in Jason Gray and using it to speak to my heart.   Thank you, so very much,for using me with Sarah to have her find you in “Grace Wins” by Matthew West.  Thank you for all the music, all the words, all the melodies and for the choir of every angel on this earth.I am overwhelmed with your songs and your silences, Lord.  The tears which flowed down my face this morning, knowing you are speaking me, are priceless. I am so grateful you have given me a husband chasing your heart with me, Lord!  Thank you for letting me share with our friends, again, YOUR power and grace in removing their obstacles to buying their new home.  Thank you for allowing J &D to see the new life you are blessing them with dance and wave at the doctor’s appointment this week.  Please keep this treasure safe and bring the new baby into the world in such a way that everyone will praise you as much as they do.    Knowing you used me with Sarah to bring her directly back to you in such a real way is priceless, as well.  How perfect we are worth more to you than rubies and sparrows.  Yesterday would have been my Mamaw Ruby’s 90th birthday.  Thank you for the 13 years you gave her to me, as well.  Please, Heavenly Father, keep your hand on the Tunnell’s so firmly they feel your power when their son arrives this week.  May we all sing your praises and give you thanks for all the blessings in our lives. 

 

 

 

Be Still and Know

On By mygodroomIn anger, blessings, obedience, prayerLeave a comment

Lord, I know you are King of Kings and hold all of our days in your mighty hand.  I trust there are many reasons beyond my understanding for taking Brian Ragan home to be with you this morning.   My prayer in this moment is that Moira can be comforted by you in her time of grief and loss.  Thank you for allowing me to serve as a witness to your grace in my life in our conversations.  What a beautiful example she is of how a sister should love a brother.

I do remain firm in my belief you have directed the effort for me to become a living donor.  I have felt your presence each step of the way; comfort and peace which can only come from you.   All I know in this moment is that I will attempt to be matched for this 27 year old young man, Joshua,  who has suffered dialysis for five years.  I love that he sings your praises, Lord.  Furthermore, I  pray that if this transplant happens, we can sing them together and be witnesses to your hand over the transplant.

 

bestill

Waking up Crying

On By mygodroomIn anger, blessings, obedience, prayerLeave a comment

I woke up in tears today. I read my devotional in the bathroom and went back to bed. I felt a wave of sadness wash over me and could not shake it. Jesus basically whispered, “sister, it’s okay. You should love them so much it hurts sometimes. And that anger yesterday, you DO remember what I did to the tables at the temple, right? Let’s go spend some time and get you grounded for today.”

My Bible opens to Acts 20:19-20. My first thought was about 20-20 vision being perfect. Verse 19 comforts me with “I served the Lord with great humility and with tears,” a reminder that all Christians will have some tough times. Lord, please comfort my fellow sisters and brothers in Christ who woke up crying today, too. Verse 20 begins “You know that I have not hesitated to preach anything that would be helpful to you.” Lord, thank you for using Mark as a guest preacher yesterday and reminding me how the enemy seeks to stop us from serving as your ambassador. Thank you for the times you have put the words in my mouth which should be spoken, even if I don’t recall exactly what they were in the moment!

My tears are gone and peace is filling my heart at the moment.   Thank you, Jesus, for taking me to Acts 20 to consider how Paul preached the same message in different ways to different people.  It is perhaps one of the best scriptures to remind me how my blessings always outweigh the difficulties. What a great way to get grounded; my single purpose on this earth is to love and testify to the grace given us through Christ Jesus. Period.

As for my anger, I can not gloss over it.   Everything isn’t always perfect just because Jesus loves me and I love Him.  Add fuel to the fire of a human being in the form of menopausal hormones and it can be especially tricky.   The anger I felt yesterday was mostly toward my daughter. I wouldn’t classify it as anger as much as frustration, but the root was anger. I had to ask her to forgive me yesterday because I allowed her behavior to take my peace and joy.  ***REDACTED***   She is a young teenager and I am called to train her the way she should grow.  People are always going to be those things and we are called to be light in that darkness, too. My sadness for her entire generation is overwhelming.   Lord, please show me how you would like me to reach out to this younger generation in a way they can respond to you and your love accordingly. Please show me a better way to pause, reflect on you and allow my children and all of your children to see YOU in ME in those moments instead of anger.

One step at a time.  God, I am so grateful you are such a good, good Father.  I am grateful you are training me the way I should grow.  I am humbled by the lessons you teach me and the grace you offered me through your son, Jesus Christ.  He said it is more blessed to give than to receive.  Please let my life be used to bless you and praise your name. 

Acts 20:24 “However, I consider my life worth nothing to me, if only I may finish the race and complete the task the Lord Jesus has given me–the task of testifying to the gospel of God’s grace.”