Praying with the Pastor’s Wife

For over four years, we have attended Hope Fellowship.  We love the pastor, his wife, his entire family. My kids have grown into amazing teenagers under the leadership of their son’s youth ministry.  During those four-plus years, I think I have taken advantage of praying with a leader during Sunday service three times.  Today was the third time.

Roughly two months ago, I was led to investigate becoming a living kidney donor. I prayed with my husband about it and we both agreed it was the right decision.  I have long since had questionnaires filled and blood tested. I knew of a few local people in dire need of a kidney.  It was very clear in prayer that I was to pick a local person.  Of those, I was led to attempt to match to one particular person.   I was not surprised in the least when the tests revealed, indeed, I was a match.

We were halted in the process because the person to whom I have directed my kidney was not yet green-lighted or approved to proceed with the transplant.  During this delay, I learned I needed a mammogram and current pap smear, as well.  I have since completed those tasks.  During this time, the person who will likely get my kidney has had three surgeries.  Today was his third surgery.

It would be impossible to explain in a quick post the why’s and wherefore’s or details explaining how He brought me to the decision to donate a kidney.   I just know it is what He would have me to do for his Glory.  Since committing to His plan for me as I understand it, I have heard Jesus speaking clearer and louder than ever before.  I know He wants me to stay the course.   Every time I bear witness to the donor recipient’s sister, God is guiding that process, as well.

What we have not done is tell my children that this decision has been made.  Again, many reasons, but timing is everything.  Like all major decisions, I have prayed without ceasing about it.   Simply put, the need washed over me during our service today that I needed someone in our church to pray with me.  Specifically, I needed them to pray with me regarding how, when and what I tell my children in this process.  As I walked to the back of the congregation, I saw our pastor’s wife.  She isn’t always able to be there, but she was there today.  While the Pastor’s wife said a perfect prayer over me, God lifted my angst regarding my specific prayer request.

Thank you, Lord.  I do not know the exact words or time they will be spoken.  You, My Heavenly Father, know exactly what they will be.  I know you will give them to me when it is in YOUR time and not mine.

Waking up Crying

I woke up in tears today. I read my devotional in the bathroom and went back to bed. I felt a wave of sadness wash over me and could not shake it. Jesus basically whispered, “sister, it’s okay. You should love them so much it hurts sometimes. And that anger yesterday, you DO remember what I did to the tables at the temple, right? Let’s go spend some time and get you grounded for today.”

My Bible opens to Acts 20:19-20. My first thought was about 20-20 vision being perfect. Verse 19 comforts me with “I served the Lord with great humility and with tears,” a reminder that all Christians will have some tough times. Lord, please comfort my fellow sisters and brothers in Christ who woke up crying today, too. Verse 20 begins “You know that I have not hesitated to preach anything that would be helpful to you.” Lord, thank you for using Mark as a guest preacher yesterday and reminding me how the enemy seeks to stop us from serving as your ambassador. Thank you for the times you have put the words in my mouth which should be spoken, even if I don’t recall exactly what they were in the moment!

My tears are gone and peace is filling my heart at the moment.   Thank you, Jesus, for taking me to Acts 20 to consider how Paul preached the same message in different ways to different people.  It is perhaps one of the best scriptures to remind me how my blessings always outweigh the difficulties. What a great way to get grounded; my single purpose on this earth is to love and testify to the grace given us through Christ Jesus. Period.

As for my anger, I can not gloss over it.   Everything isn’t always perfect just because Jesus loves me and I love Him.  Add fuel to the fire of a human being in the form of menopausal hormones and it can be especially tricky.   The anger I felt yesterday was mostly toward my daughter. I wouldn’t classify it as anger as much as frustration, but the root was anger. I had to ask her to forgive me yesterday because I allowed her behavior to take my peace and joy.  ***REDACTED***   She is a young teenager and I am called to train her the way she should grow.  People are always going to be those things and we are called to be light in that darkness, too. My sadness for her entire generation is overwhelming.   Lord, please show me how you would like me to reach out to this younger generation in a way they can respond to you and your love accordingly. Please show me a better way to pause, reflect on you and allow my children and all of your children to see YOU in ME in those moments instead of anger.

One step at a time.  God, I am so grateful you are such a good, good Father.  I am grateful you are training me the way I should grow.  I am humbled by the lessons you teach me and the grace you offered me through your son, Jesus Christ.  He said it is more blessed to give than to receive.  Please let my life be used to bless you and praise your name. 

Acts 20:24 “However, I consider my life worth nothing to me, if only I may finish the race and complete the task the Lord Jesus has given me–the task of testifying to the gospel of God’s grace.”