Category: obedience

Be Still and Know

On By mygodroomIn anger, blessings, obedience, prayerLeave a comment

Lord, I know you are King of Kings and hold all of our days in your mighty hand.  I trust there are many reasons beyond my understanding for taking Brian Ragan home to be with you this morning.   My prayer in this moment is that Moira can be comforted by you in her time of grief and loss.  Thank you for allowing me to serve as a witness to your grace in my life in our conversations.  What a beautiful example she is of how a sister should love a brother.

I do remain firm in my belief you have directed the effort for me to become a living donor.  I have felt your presence each step of the way; comfort and peace which can only come from you.   All I know in this moment is that I will attempt to be matched for this 27 year old young man, Joshua,  who has suffered dialysis for five years.  I love that he sings your praises, Lord.  Furthermore, I  pray that if this transplant happens, we can sing them together and be witnesses to your hand over the transplant.

 

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Praying with the Pastor’s Wife

On By mygodroomIn blessings, hope615, obedience, prayer, UncategorizedLeave a comment

For over four years, we have attended Hope Fellowship.  We love the pastor, his wife, his entire family. My kids have grown into amazing teenagers under the leadership of their son’s youth ministry.  During those four-plus years, I think I have taken advantage of praying with a leader during Sunday service three times.  Today was the third time.

Roughly two months ago, I was led to investigate becoming a living kidney donor. I prayed with my husband about it and we both agreed it was the right decision.  I have long since had questionnaires filled and blood tested. I knew of a few local people in dire need of a kidney.  It was very clear in prayer that I was to pick a local person.  Of those, I was led to attempt to match to one particular person.   I was not surprised in the least when the tests revealed, indeed, I was a match.

We were halted in the process because the person to whom I have directed my kidney was not yet green-lighted or approved to proceed with the transplant.  During this delay, I learned I needed a mammogram and current pap smear, as well.  I have since completed those tasks.  During this time, the person who will likely get my kidney has had three surgeries.  Today was his third surgery.

It would be impossible to explain in a quick post the why’s and wherefore’s or details explaining how He brought me to the decision to donate a kidney.   I just know it is what He would have me to do for his Glory.  Since committing to His plan for me as I understand it, I have heard Jesus speaking clearer and louder than ever before.  I know He wants me to stay the course.   Every time I bear witness to the donor recipient’s sister, God is guiding that process, as well.

What we have not done is tell my children that this decision has been made.  Again, many reasons, but timing is everything.  Like all major decisions, I have prayed without ceasing about it.   Simply put, the need washed over me during our service today that I needed someone in our church to pray with me.  Specifically, I needed them to pray with me regarding how, when and what I tell my children in this process.  As I walked to the back of the congregation, I saw our pastor’s wife.  She isn’t always able to be there, but she was there today.  While the Pastor’s wife said a perfect prayer over me, God lifted my angst regarding my specific prayer request.

Thank you, Lord.  I do not know the exact words or time they will be spoken.  You, My Heavenly Father, know exactly what they will be.  I know you will give them to me when it is in YOUR time and not mine.

Waking up Crying

On By mygodroomIn anger, blessings, obedience, prayerLeave a comment

I woke up in tears today. I read my devotional in the bathroom and went back to bed. I felt a wave of sadness wash over me and could not shake it. Jesus basically whispered, “sister, it’s okay. You should love them so much it hurts sometimes. And that anger yesterday, you DO remember what I did to the tables at the temple, right? Let’s go spend some time and get you grounded for today.”

My Bible opens to Acts 20:19-20. My first thought was about 20-20 vision being perfect. Verse 19 comforts me with “I served the Lord with great humility and with tears,” a reminder that all Christians will have some tough times. Lord, please comfort my fellow sisters and brothers in Christ who woke up crying today, too. Verse 20 begins “You know that I have not hesitated to preach anything that would be helpful to you.” Lord, thank you for using Mark as a guest preacher yesterday and reminding me how the enemy seeks to stop us from serving as your ambassador. Thank you for the times you have put the words in my mouth which should be spoken, even if I don’t recall exactly what they were in the moment!

My tears are gone and peace is filling my heart at the moment.   Thank you, Jesus, for taking me to Acts 20 to consider how Paul preached the same message in different ways to different people.  It is perhaps one of the best scriptures to remind me how my blessings always outweigh the difficulties. What a great way to get grounded; my single purpose on this earth is to love and testify to the grace given us through Christ Jesus. Period.

As for my anger, I can not gloss over it.   Everything isn’t always perfect just because Jesus loves me and I love Him.  Add fuel to the fire of a human being in the form of menopausal hormones and it can be especially tricky.   The anger I felt yesterday was mostly toward my daughter. I wouldn’t classify it as anger as much as frustration, but the root was anger. I had to ask her to forgive me yesterday because I allowed her behavior to take my peace and joy.  ***REDACTED***   She is a young teenager and I am called to train her the way she should grow.  People are always going to be those things and we are called to be light in that darkness, too. My sadness for her entire generation is overwhelming.   Lord, please show me how you would like me to reach out to this younger generation in a way they can respond to you and your love accordingly. Please show me a better way to pause, reflect on you and allow my children and all of your children to see YOU in ME in those moments instead of anger.

One step at a time.  God, I am so grateful you are such a good, good Father.  I am grateful you are training me the way I should grow.  I am humbled by the lessons you teach me and the grace you offered me through your son, Jesus Christ.  He said it is more blessed to give than to receive.  Please let my life be used to bless you and praise your name. 

Acts 20:24 “However, I consider my life worth nothing to me, if only I may finish the race and complete the task the Lord Jesus has given me–the task of testifying to the gospel of God’s grace.”

Third Time is a Charm

On By mygodroomIn obedience, prayerLeave a comment

This week, I prayed and wrote about learning the language of God.     Each day, I read my Jesus Calling devotional, study a random Bible flip and soak up whatever scripture is attached to the devotional.  Three times this week, I have been taken to prophets for which I previously lacked discernible knowledge.  Today was Joel.

We have out of town friends and guests visiting, a first time preacher at church and our worship leader must be on a much deserved vacation.  It’s been somewhat surreal.  Everything has felt a bit topsy-turvy  and yet exactly as it should be.  Mark spoke several highlights from Godversations and Jesus Talks this week.  There is only ONE way to heaven, ONE savior and we get ONE life on this earth to do our part.

Last night, I was up late sharing scripture and encouragement with the mother of my daughter’s friend from Colorado.  God put words on my heart which I almost doubted.  It is her story and not mine to share; I just second guessed the source of the words which flew out of my mouth.  I told my husband that I was really good with all of it and the late hour, only because I honestly believed I was exactly where I was called to be.

Still, I thought, maybe, just maybe, those were my thoughts and I doubted my motives in sharing them for about one minute.  This morning, Jesus hugged me and reassured me.   Yes, my child, you were doing and saying exactly as I planned for you.   Trust me.  I am here and I am on your side.

Always.

In awe of another day, more fulfilled prayers and this beautifully overwhelmed  and grateful heart He has given me.  Thank you, Lord.  I love you.

Cookie Crumbs and Kings

On By mygodroomIn obedience, prayerLeave a comment

When I have seven different moments I am excited to share, it’s incredibly hard for me to pick one. In fact, there are so many from the past week, it almost seems unfair to limit myself. Instead of trying to do anything in my own power, I go straight to prayer.

Father God, I know you are a good, good Father and trust your plans for me are more than good. Thank you for keeping your mighty hand on every aspect of our lives this week. Thank you for not only letting me feel your hand, but for using me to encourage others with your Holy Word. Oh, how amazed I was yesterday when you took me to Amos 1:1 for the first time in my life. I am so grateful you poured such loving grace into my morning routine with my husband; we trust you will be glorified in those grocery store moments when we see Famous Amos cookies!

You are everywhere and in everything. Nothing is too mundane, too small or trivial. Your truth resounded so loudly in my heart. Indeed, Lord, you are working through ordinary people to do extraordinary things. Please keep Moira and Brian close in your loving arms and continue to show them your awesome power, Lord. Sharing Jeremiah 12:5, Amos 1:1 and other random Bible flips with her has shown me that you are using me in a spectacular way for your purpose and Glory. Please help all of us to keep our focus on you and continue to give you all the praise you rightfully deserve.

As my heart is overwhelmed with all you have done this week. It is so like you, Lord, to lead me to another new chapter today in 2 Kings 2:1. Wow. As I studied your Holy Word and learned how Elijah and Elisha demonstrate exactly how you not only control great armies, but everyday details, I smiled. I remembered a sermon series and spirit of itot the everyday detail part.  You just keep showing me exactly how you are directing my thoughts, just as you directed the writer’s thoughts in 2 Kings. Thank you seems inadequate for the connection I feel in this moment. I have checked my motives from the minute you pressed it on my heart to become a living kidney donor. Mark and I have kept this decision to follow your will for us to explore living donation to ourselves until this week. You have removed all of the obstacles and have shown me in 2 Kings today that as long as our motives are pure, we should never be afraid to ask great things of you, God. Each step of the process, I have shared you, your power, your grace and your Holy Word with the sister of the man who desperately needs my kidney. As we get closer to the transplant surgery being a reality for your glory, it is generous and perfect of you to encourage my husband and I in such personal ways. We know you are in control and trust you with every fiber of our beings.

We love you. I am eternally grateful for every day I get to know you a little bit better.

Lyrics and Obedience

I heard a song last Sunday for the first time.  It moved me so much, I sat in my car to finish listening to it.  I googled the lyric in my head when I got home. It was easy to find the artist, Jason Gray, and  the song “Sparrows“.  Unusual for me, I purchased the whole album, without any further research or listening.

If these words were on paper, I would file this under obedience.   Why?  I believed I was hearing what God wanted from me and I took action.  I didn’t care if it was weird or questioned.  I just did what I was told.  It’s kind of a big deal to me. Yes, sir, with genuine reverence.

I am not talking about buying  Where the Light Gets In, though it has proven to be an excellent investment.  So many of the songs speak my heart, His heart and move my spirit.  My husband digs it, as well.  I love that I am married to a man who loves the Lord and loves how I love Him.

The “weird or questioned” part comes into play because I shared a condensed version of my vision, the song and the explanation from the artist with the person who was on my heart from the minute I heard the melody. Instead of sharing privately, I was told to go out on a limb and share on her Facebook page.  In and of itself, it may not sound like a big leap. However, Jocelyn’s husband, David,  leads our Worship Music at Hope Fellowship . 

Jocelyn is a triplet and her entire family is well known in our church.  She and her sisters post the most beautiful encouragements, scripture and insights on their pages. They always speak the most encouraging words, too.    I have long since nicknamed them the “Sweet Jays”, as each of their names begins with the letter “J” and each sings His praises sweeter than any songbird.  

It is only human to doubt my words or thoughts were “good enough” to post on her page or any leader’s page.  It was impossible to deny that God wanted me to share it the way I did.

For three plus minutes, I kept seeing Jocelyn and her daughter dancing in a field of wildflowers.  I could see them dancing, singing, laughing and praising Him together.  “Even the Sparrow knows, He holds tomorrow” just resonated so deeply as a lyric. I could see brightly colored, matching dresses and huge smiles.   I could see birds flying over the ocean and knew it was God who made those wings work their perceived magic.   I could feel her husband , David, just beaming with gratitude as he witnessed their beautiful bond and giving Glory to God for his family.   The imagery was so powerful; only God could press it on my heart to such depth.

In less than three minutes,  that powerful vision was balanced with their testimony at church roughly three years ago. It was a powerful juxtaposition, to say the least.  I don’t remember every word, but I clearly remember how David talked about hearing “Oceans” by Hillsong United  and, in particular, the lyric which says “Spirit, lead me, where my trust is without borders.”

He shared scripture, spoke lovingly of his wife and shared openly about the two miscarriages they had suffered.  He asked us to pray with him for the third baby now growing in Jocelyn’s womb.  I believe David said something about how God used that song to reassure him that this pregnancy would be different and to have faith, no matter what, and to keep trusting His plan for them.    

When Jocelyn gave her testimony, she referenced Matthew 6:26, “Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they?”  The way she spoke of her Sweet Jesus and her desire for all to know him still echoes.   I have prayed for their family and recalled their powerful, yet peace-filled testimony every time I have heard “Oceans” the past three years. 

I believe God has used their precious family for His Glory and His Kingdom in ways they may never understand.   I see His Grace magnified in their two-year old daughter, Joy.  I can feel His love, peace and presence each time I see their family together.  How perfect she is another “Sweet Jay”!    

After I took the leap and shared what was pressed on my heart, the response initially surprised me. Then, I remembered it wasn’t from me, it was from Him and it shouldn’t surprise me in the least.   Jocelyn wrote that God used me to bless her heart and that her sister had also shared that same song with her in a previous week. Thank you, Lord!    She actually read the link and  said, ” The message of the resurrection gives hope that even the worst will produce something beautiful in us, and will ultimately help make us who we most want to be. YES, more like Jesus because we’ve experienced more of Him, and He is so, so good.”  

I did not feel like I was not “good enough” to share as He led me; I was grateful to have been directed  to “trust without borders.” 

Listening, music and being obedient all matter.  Birds. Oceans. Babies. Lyrics.  Everything under heaven matters.  If we look closely and listen carefully, we can see and hear so much more of what Jesus longs to teach us and share with us.

“You have turned for me my mourning into dancing…O Lord my God, I will give thanks to you forever!” Psalms 30:11-12

Thank you, Jesus.

On By mygodroomIn hope615, jason gray, music, obedience, Uncategorized, Where the Light Gets InLeave a comment