Tag: marriage

Tethered in The Wilderness

On By mygodroomIn blessings, gratitude, Leverage, marriage, music, obedience, Power, UncategorizedLeave a comment

This morning started like so many others in this Jiu-Jitsu Wilderness season of mine—me stepping onto the scale. For many years, I enjoyed finding an accompanying Psalm to “weigh in” with whatever I may have flipped to in the Bible.

When I fell down the stairs in March 2022, I was 239 pounds. By October 2023, I was in the 180’s. Fresh eggs and “consider the source” led me to the 160 range.

When I got down to 150, I started reading the exact “Psalm of the Scale”. Letting the Psalms “weigh in” has taken an even deeper turn.

Oh, fair warning, today’s post will be a doozie.

This morning, I weighed in at 141.4.

I was tickled to check Facebook in the potty and see a sweet message from Elaine! In her honor, took a pic from my car this morning. She is 77 and widely known as “Jiu-Jitsu Grandma”. Beautiful soul.

Heck, I didn’t ever post the Jiu-Jitsu manicure and pedicure stories. Now my nails are just at the edge of my fingertips, the shortest they have been in decades! Seeing them in this photo just made me make a mental note. 💜

I digress. It is what I do, at least from time to time.

Most people would see a number at the scale of 141:4 and go elsewhere with it. This may very well be the best chance to explain to someone in the world how Jesus “speaks” to me. I firmly believe He speaks to his kids differently—-they are all unique relationships.

I can’t help that My Jesus led me to feel 13 again these past seven months. Seven complete months as of today. Oh, I see what He did there, too. #ISWYDT

I saw 14 / 14 / 14 / 14. Fourteen forward. Fourteen back. Blonde Polish Chick Brain or Jesus? I’m sticking with Jesus!

Just thinking of the three versions of Black Belt Wisdom makes my head spin. So sweet how Sandra wanted to buy my copy of it at the shop today! Seven weeks doubled” , forward and backward was the second version. This is why Version 2 had 49 quotes forward and 49 more backwards. Seven weeks each.

Bless all Veterans- especially Navy men in their 80’s 💜✝️💜

The Master Edit to offer PRECISELY 44 pieces of cardstock and 88 quotes to give Master Luiz and ONJJ confused me a pinch. Why not 40? These are questions I pray about and wrestle with Him over. I’m going to do what He says, regardless. I just seek to understand. The Boss said 44 and that’s what I gave.

What a perfect gem and different double blessing from Jesus! The number honors Mamaw Ruby’s 100th, my 44 years without her (May 8) our Oszczakiewicz Gracie and Rolls Gracie, as much as it honors ONJJ & Master Luiz!

Just like that, the childlike joy bubbled up and I felt the Holy Spirit nudging me, “Pay attention, sweet daughter of Yah. I’m speaking.”

And so I did what I always do.

I weighed with the Psalms. Literally.

I sent my husband the KJV “ dainties version” first. I know my Ginger Beard Man’s humor and knew he would dig the dainties. 🤣. I also know he needed to know I was focused on the verse prior- when sending the second version.

When waking and weighing, I never flip open my Bible for the verse. For whatever His reason, I am not to look at it or any notes He has had me write until AFTER I google the verse based on the scale.

I typed “Psalm 141:4” into Google to see what language heaven might choose to deliver through the internet today. This response reminds me of typing in “ISA 63:7” and getting Psalm 63:7. Yeppers, Jesus holds the internet together, too.

The first headline stopped me in my tracks:

God has kept Zahira Zachary singing this very track, “Stay”, over me for two plus weeks. I love, love, LOVE the grappling language. Mark has been leading our Prayer of Jabez since October! He just left me “my wilderness stone” on Saturday, before he got on the plane. Lots of repetition, so perhaps spiritual muscle instantly connected me to ZZ’s “Stay” and 1 Chronicles 4:10 in the same breath.

I accept it is a possible result of spiritual muscle. However, I think it’s far more about His leverage over my life. I take such tremendous joy in submitting to His Will and to Jesus, Himself. I personally do not believe it has anything to do with my strength or spiritual exercises. It’s all about Jesus.

I just really dig the way THE Alpha & Omega talks to The BPC-157 in Tennessee and how He continues to heal me. 💜✝️💜

No commentary connects this to Psalm 141:4💜✝️💜

In the song, Zahira sounds angelic singing:

“I will stay tethered to You, You close the space between us.

I wish I could explain exactly how it feels. The Lord has been stitching a message through every crack of my days, in every little detail. Good heavens, I just talked to my husband for longer on the phone than I can recall.

We talked about Jesus- Starr -First-Kings-Jiu-Jitsu and a bunch of Dad/Joe, ice cream, passports and TT. That is shorthand for the Godversation which will now be remembered as “ Silhouette: God Sent Moses”. 💜✝️💜

I can’t recall our last phone Godversation that lasted more than ten minutes. We talk a lot in person, not on the phone. Even when he is traveling, we typically keep it short. Whatever His Purpose, I just know I am to write it down—-it matters for reasons I don’t fully understand.

I am to note that “Elizabeth Street” in Florida is connected all God did through My Assisi Elizabeth. My husband doesn’t even know yet . He sent me those pics after we got off the phone! #ISWYDT! God rest her soul and may her girl be thriving in Japan. Here is a “quote-link” to the day I learned my Assisi Angel earned her wings:

Jesus is all about the childlike jubilant heart chasing Him. Never have I been called cutes for 33 days straight.

Praise God, obedience doesn’t require understanding. It just requires action. So, I am writing it all down in one blog, as directed.

Maybe, just maybe, I feel like a Gen X teenager because I talked to my boyfriend for 47 glorious minutes! The harsh truth is as much as I love my earthly husband, I will always love my heavenly husband more. But, I am giddy to have connected with my earthly love for such a long time.

Mark told me their cabin steward’s name is MOSES. He knew I would get a kick out of it, too. I said, “of course God would send you a Moses for your wilderness at sea!” We had good laughs on the call. Belly laughs!

I saw a full pattern this morning, or so I thought. We never see the full pattern; we are not the Master Designer. But, I saw far more of how the tapestry is stitched together. Then my husband was used to put another cherry on top of another Heavenly Sundae, with Moses . 💜✝️💜. #ISWYDT

Today— Monday, December 8, 2025, I weighed in at 141:4. It’s been tough to add a few pounds ; ideally building up muscle to 150 is the goal. I was nudged to search my ridiculously large photo library for photos of “scale”.

Divine Humor nearly made me piss in my britches! The last time I weighed 141:4, precisely, was the day we finished watching Episode 2358 of the Joe Rogan Experience. Three days later, I posted the link above which tells the Lamentations 3:58 story.

How perfect “Miss Ellie” came in today. 💜✝️💜

Here’s the thing—Psalm 141 isn’t just a prayer. It expresses the human tension of remaining tethered to the One who made me.

It’s the cry of someone who knows their heart is safest only when it’s bound to God. It is the joyous and the grieving tears which have formed two different streams of tears in my 57 years. It’s grief and gratitude intertwined like…grape vines. #ISWYDT2

“Set a guard over my mouth…Keep my heart from drifting…Don’t let me wander into wickedness…

Psalm 141 is the Prayer of Jabez in different clothing.

Not chapter and verse. Not theology. Not in “accepted commentaries”, yet absolutely the commentary Rabbi Jesus is whispering to my heart.

It’s the same Spirit in both. The posture, prayer and surrender are equally yoked between the two Scriptures.

It is a holy awareness that without His hand, we drift. Without His voice, we wander. Without His covering, the wilderness is too much.

It is no accident on Saturday—before any of this unfolded—my husband left town only after printing out the Prayer of Jabez onto green paper and cutting it the way he did.

A stone is always a marker in Scripture. A covenant—-a crossing place and physical reminder that God met you here. My husband “met me in the lab”—- that’s where he left me what the Spirit interpreted to me as a “wilderness stone”. Our marital covenant with each other and Him are all represented in that piece of paper. 💜✝️💜

It makes me smile because Mark probably thought he was just being thoughtful. But in the Spirit, he was participating in something far bigger—marking the very place where God was about to speak Psalm 141 over my 14:14:14:14 morning.

That’s the thing about walking with the Lord in these seasons. He hides messages in plain sight and leaves breadcrumbs in the wilderness.

He sings to me through worship leaders I’ve never met. He speaks through numbers I could never plan to see.

He threads Scripture through songs, stones, scales, and silence.

This has nothing to do with me and EVERYTHING to do with JESUS.

And all of it came down to one word today:

Tethered.

Stay tethered to Him in the wilderness…He will enlarge the path beneath your feet.

Stay tethered in obedience…He will bless you in ways that only make sense in hindsight.

Stay tethered in the stretching…He will double what needed doubling.

This morning wasn’t about weight. It wasn’t about numbers. It wasn’t even about Psalm 141 or Jabez.

It was about the Father closing the space between us, whispering through His Word, His People and His Creation…reaching His Right Hand down to guide my day.

And the wilderness—my Jiu-Jitsu Wilderness—-suddenly didn’t feel empty at all.

It felt holy.

Marked. #ISWYDT

Sung over.

Held.

TETHERED.

And, in true BPC style, I feel like the child playing tetherball Zim-Zam with my sisters at Mamaw and Papaws house. what a precious memory, knocking the heck out of my front tooth and everything!

Thank you, Jesus. What a glorious seven months you have given me. I could never thank you enough !!! How cool to realize I CAN say “never” and mean it—-Never ever could I thank you enough for ALL you have done fore me, mine and humanity.

Thank you for every opportunity you give me to try.

Jiu-Jitsu Wilderness

On By mygodroomIn blessings, gratitude, Leverage, obedienceLeave a comment

There is no way on earth I could ever explain how God chooses to use me. I have written many times how Jesus love, love, LOVES to get me carried away with Him whenever I am isolated. More on that later. The point is the Holy Spirit moves mightily in me and through me whenever my husband is out of town.

Jiu-Jitsu Wilderness was “electronically born”around 2 am Sunday morning. By that. I’m I mean I purchased the websites around 2 am. As I am following wherever the Spirit leads, I need to pause the floodgates and catch my breath. Just breathe. The inception was on Saturday, as I was pondering how my earthly father would have been celebrating his 81st birthday “in three days”.

Suffice it to say that the Spirit showed me gifts He has given me and how I am to share those gifts His Way. That’s about as clear as I can get until certain steps are completed.

To say I am excited to share a gift with One Nation Jiu-Jitsu would be an understatement of epic proportions.

Despite being exhausted (yet highly energized in Spirit), I went to church without Mark yesterday. Obedience is KEY for me. I heard the best sermon possible about DIRT and truly felt Gen 2:7. We sang Trust and Obey and boy, oh boy, #ISWYDT

No doubt, It hit deeper to realize God literally breathed life into humanity. God didn’t do that for anything else, only for humanity. It’s beyond precious and powerful to me. I’ve known He was the breath in my lungs for a long time—- just felt it in palpable manner yesterday. It was invigorating. 💜✝️💜

Praise God!!! Praise, Praise and more Praise! #MOLA

Seriously, think about it with me. If the Earth shifted even a single degree on its axis—- our seasons, climates, oceans, and habitability would all be dramatically altered. Everything we call ‘normal’ depends on a razor-thin margin of balance — and Colossians 1:17 tells us exactly Who holds that balance together.

In Brazilian jiu-jitsu, leverage changes everything.

One inch, one angle, one shift of weight. And the universe works the same way. A single degree of tilt would undo life on Earth… yet He holds it steady. He is the Master of leverage. The One who keeps every angle exact so that we can stand, breathe, and roll. That’s My Jesus in his “red” belt…the FIRST and LAST GrandMaster in everything.

Invigorated as I was yesterday, of course I went to ONJJ yesterday, as well. What a difference one week and seven days can make in a persons life! My song, “Stay” found me on the way to the gym. I did manage to post about that as soon as class was over. When the Lord delivers a song the way He does with me, it must be honored. I think I posted it from the parking lot at the gym! From that same parking spot, Mark floored me in the best way —-he was already at the airport!

So why did my husband leave me in the Jiu-Jitsu Wilderness?

I wish my facetiousness and humor translated better here. Let’s just say I am a safe driver but my household has jokes about my driving and especially, my parking. 🤣. We’ve got nearly fifteen years of jokes about him leaving me or staying for the dog. We are silly and playful, indeed. In all seriousness, My sweet Gingerbeard Man left town to drive a U-Haul to a Wisconsin for our former employee (forever CV Family member), Jenn. It was the best gift we could offer her after twelve years of faithful service.

Facts? I am not fearful of anything except Holy Wrath. That said, I would not be comfortable driving a 20-26 foot loaded U-Haul and towing a car from Tennessee to Wisconsin, or anywhere else. It’s not my strength and my husband is the best driver I have ever known. We love Jenn and it was clear that our gift needed to be from our heart and God-given talents.

Mark made the drive joyfully, despite his exhaustion from our extra early Saturday morning commitment at Creekmont Church. We love our new church so much, he insisted on being present and then opening the shop for me. He knew I needed rest and he protects me (and the world 🤣) from “hyped up Carol”. Mark wasn’t upset that the Good Lord knocked me out so hard, I didn’t wake until after 3. He never said it was my fault for his late departure of 4:18—he was thrilled I received the true rest I needed.

My husband serves in so many ways like this one. One of my soul sisters, JoJo, knows we have jokes about his “Apostolic actions”, as well. Mark has helped her a few times with various “man tasks” around her home. He loves helping others and JoJo is always so authentic in her gratitude. Heck, Mark even gifted her some Eagle Rare Bourbon for her retirement party last year. He has such a generous heart and spirit!

Anywho, Mark left Saturday at 4:18 pm and was safely home 27 hours later. I picked him up shortly after 7:18 last night and we stopped to split a fantastic steak dinner.

While I have SO MANY BLESSINGS to write out and share, I am just tickled he was blessed to come home a day early. I sleep better when he is home, in general. But, I confess I was thrilled for several reasons and equally excited how he was blessed with no charge for cancelling a hotel reservation with less than an hour or two notice and for finding 95 dollars he forgot about on Venmo- how Jenn chose to pay for the gas and his airline ticket. And, bonus blessings like the flight attendant looking at his 6’5” frame and graciously telling him he was welcome to his favorite emergency section seating.

The extra added bonus blessings for me was being able to be present at ONJJ with Mushaffa and Miss Vee today. As this post has run quite long, there will be a separate post today to honor what God did at the gym.

What a GEM!

Thank you, Jesus, for this Jiu-Jitsu Wilderness with you. I praise YOU for all the colors, beauty, grace and my current position. I love, love, LOVE having your seatbelt around me. I love you. 💜✝️💜

Godly Counsel

On By mygodroomIn anger, gratitude, marriage, prayerLeave a comment

Father God, I am writing the gist of what has transpired the past few days because my heart feels like it will burst if I do not write it down.

First, thank you for using me in any way to help Lyss and John in their healing.  Thank you for friendships and encouragement and for house visitors who share their time so beautifully.  Thank you for teaching me to CLIMB in more ways than one.  Thank you for showing up in spirit on Jess’ face at the climbing gym yesterday.  Thank you for humbling me in so many ways with her yesterday. Please protect her. 

You know why I am still re-reading the letter Mark gave me this morning.  While I will not write about the contents, I will acknowledge I sought Godly counsel from “PNP”.  I have no answers, only more questions.  For now, please show me what must be removed from my mind and what is to be added.  Make me more like you so I can be the wife YOU desire me to be. If it is not of you, I do not need it. Period.

The heart wrenching truth of the Ghana Romance Scams in Murfreesboro which have harmed my sweet Futina are very much sickening my heart on her behalf.   Her husband has not earned a dime in fifteen months of marriage. Her home burned down.  She got it repaired and sold it last month.  She has paid for immigration and other attorney bills for her husband, as well.  Learning the pastor, “Poppa”, is not paid a salary by the church. They pay his rent/mortgage and other bills instead. They fired the woman who moved here four years ago from Chicago for asking questions about the finances. Her job was finance. Immediate red flag, indeed.

Learning the late-night prayer action has more than worn her out, she serves her husband every meal in their bedroom and he does not engage in the household: It is all heart breaking for me.  Waking anyone, much less the elderly, to pray between 3 and 4 am feels like Brainwashing 101. Learning multiple women in her church are married to others from Ghana leads me to believe there is a criminal circle of folks involved.  For heaven’s sake, Futina doesn’t even believe the emails sent were from the man she was told to marry. I know you know all the details I am not writing. Perhaps I was to at minimum, document the outline.

Lord, please protect all those most vulnerable, especially the widows and orphans. James 1:27, 1 Tim 5:3-16 and Matthew 25:34-40 are all proof to me that your heart is already with them. I ask everything, especially the unspoken parts, in Jesus precious name. Amen.  

P.S. I love you.

Oh, Jimmy

On By mygodroomIn blessingsLeave a comment

Mark and I were talking on the phone while he is in Salt Lake earning extra money so we can have a little margin in our budget. This trip also gives him more prayer and reflection time as he drove across some of God’s most beautiful artwork.  It was a rare opportunity to serve our family, our God and others, as well as have some precious time alone.  It is important to have that one-on-one time for both of us.   When he has been absent from me physically, my soul reaches out to his in a different way.

I felt that tonight in a very palpable way when we finally hung up our phones.  I am grateful Mark speaks so much truth into my heart even if my mind is simultaneously traveling 17, 456 tangents.  The two are not mutually exclusive, though they can be equally overwhelming.   Where some of my responses come from often surprise me.  Odds are, I am equally apt to say something ridiculous as I am to speak something profoundly beautiful.  Tonight, thank God, I am assured by Him who is higher that it was beautiful.  I told Mark that the very person he did not want to have dinner with may be EXACTLY the person God desires for him to love like Jesus tonight.  It was a great conversation.  I want to honor the last night my husband is 44. He will smile to know that is what may have put Jimmy on my heart, too.   Tomorrow, he turns 45!

God, please keep my husband close to you and bring him home to us safely.  Thank you, again, for a husband seeking your heart and seeking to see the parts of me which reflect your son.  Thank you for showing me your love, grace and mercy this afternoon through your sons and one of your daughters.    Thank you for showing me exactly how a true Acts church must have felt for the members represented in Acts 2: 40-47.    I am grateful you whispered into my heart to speak the truth you have given me to the whole church present, not only our pastor.  Hearing more hearts, more praise for you from more voices was quite the symphony.  You already know this, and it was part of your plan, lest I forget.   I should expect no less from you, our master conductor. 

Once again, I am humbled by both the songs and the silences you are weaving together.    Once again, you removed any obstacles to living your word out in the spirit you intended.    Bring your concerns to the church and find the joy in the one lost sheep, indeed!   I am so grateful to know the spirit in your word and seek it out to find they are the words of your son.  Matthew 18:12-18!  Lord, you know my heart. Though I do not quote your Word chapter and verse, I pray you delight in how I will stop everything to chase YOU down, Lord.  Nothing matters more than learning more about you so I can share more of you.  Father God, I know I am yours. You know I am yours.  You know I live my life in such a way that I can praise you to others and encourage them to the letters in red.  I cry every time I think of those “lost sheep” you have put in my path.  Why you chose to use me may forever be a mystery, but there is no better work or greater success then bringing one of your precious sheep back to your Kingdom.   How perfect of you to take me to Acts 20:24, again, this morning.  Truly. Utterly. Perfect.  Paul cried in humility and tears and like him, I long to only finish the race you have for me.  Please keep helping me see your son in others and put the words in my mouth which will draw the light to the grace you have so generously given us.  Oh, Lord, we did not deserve him!  Please press it on the hearts of all in our church, YOUR church, to be held in the awe you absolutely deserve.  Help us grow, Lord.  If not in number, then in closeness to you and to each other.  Please, Father God, keep your arms wrapped around our pastors and ministry leaders, as well as their families, as our local church navigates this period of growth.  Please give comfort and peace to those being persecuted beyond measure in your name around the world.    I am reminded of a sermon almost five years ago where you told me I would not lose my way.  In that moment, GPS became God’s Perfect Son in my heart.     

While I have no clue how you brought me to seek your Truth and Grace in the quotes of Jimmy Carter, I will trust the thought “GPS”, as you have been directing my thoughts to your purpose in a huge way.  I am in a perpetual state of gratitude, awe and joy because of you, Lord. Only because of Calvary can I consider the toughest situations pure joy.   I love you.    For now, I will leave the quotes which resonated the deepest here for future reflection.  My prayer is you will reveal more of yourself to me through one of your other faithful servants.  Yes, even though he is a Democrat and no longer part of the SBC.  Not sure why you had me chase that factoid down, but I am certain it, too, will serve YOUR purpose.  I love you.

“Failure is a reality; we all fail at times, and it’s painful when we do. But it’s better to fail while striving for something wonderful, challenging, adventurous, and uncertain than to say, ” I don’t want to try because I may not succeed completely.”
― Jimmy Carter, Sources of Strength: Meditations on Scripture for a Living Faith

“If you fear making anyone mad, then you ultimately probe for the lowest common denominator of human achievement.”

“I have one life and one chance to make it count for something . . . I’m free to choose what that something is, and the something I’ve chosen is my faith. Now, my faith goes beyond theology and religion and requires considerable work and effort. My faith demands — this is not optional — my faith demands that I do whatever I can, wherever I am, whenever I can, for as long as I can with whatever I have to try to make a difference.”
“Earlier in my life I thought the things that mattered were the things that you could see, like your car, your house, your wealth, your property, your office. But as I’ve grown older I’ve become convinced that the things that matter most are the things that you can’t see — the love you share with others, your inner purpose, your comfort with who you are.”
“Each of us has been made “a little lower than the angels.” What an incomprehensible compliment! But it’s not only a compliment; it’s also a responsibility, for our special status equalizes us with other people in the eyes of God. The Lord has exalted not only me or some special group; God has exalted everyone. It’s the people of Burkina Faso and Niger and Guyana and Haiti. It’s people who never learned to read and write or who live on fifty cents a day.  All human beings have been made a little lower than the angels, and we have a responsibility to treat them accordingly.”
“We should live our lives as though Christ was coming this afternoon.”
“Republicans are men of narrow vision, who are afraid of the future.” (I want the context of this quote because it’s not very Christ-like)
“You only have to have two loves in your life: for God, and for the person in front of you at any particular time.”
“In his early twenties, a man started collecting paintings, many of which later became famous: Picasso, Van Gogh, and others. Over the decades he amassed a wonderful collection. Eventually, the man’s beloved son was drafted into the military and sent to Vietnam, where he died while trying to save his friend. About a month after the war ended, a young man knocked on the devastated father’s door. “Sir,” he said, “I know that you like great art, and I have brought you something not very great.” Inside the package, the father found a portrait of his son. With tears running down his cheeks, the father said, “I want to pay you for this.ℍ “No,” the young man replied, “he saved my life. You don’t owe me anything.ℍ The father cherished the painting and put it in the center of his collection. Whenever people came to visit, he made them look at it. When the man died, his art collection went up for sale. A large crowd of enthusiastic collectors gathered. First up for sale was the amateur portrait. A wave of displeasure rippled through the crowd. “Let’s forget about that painting!” one said. “We want to bid on the valuable ones,” said another. Despite many loud complaints, the auctioneer insisted on starting with the portrait. Finally, the deceased man’s gardener said, “I’ll bid ten dollars.ℍ Hearing no further bids, the auctioneer called out, “Sold for ten dollars!” Everyone breathed a sigh of relief. But then the auctioneer said, “And that concludes the auction.” Furious gasps shook the room. The auctioneer explained, “Let me read the stipulation in the will: “Sell the portrait of my son first, and whoever buys it gets the entire art collection. Whoever takes my son gets everything.ℍ It’s the same way with God Almighty. Whoever takes his Son gets everything.”
― Jimmy Carter, Through the Year with Jimmy Carter: 366 Daily Meditations from the 39th President