In this season of doors closing and opening, it feels like my head is on a swivel. Everything feels like an ISA 22:22 “door”. Connection upon connection is both beautiful and similar to playing “memory jenga”.
Jesus holds EVERYTHING together, including me.
MySpace Memories converge with Our Gracie and BJJ Gracie’s, Jiu-Jitsu Wilderness, my 40 year NEHS reunion planning and everything else. Everything feels super-connected. Just this morning, I saw a post from 12 years ago from My Chrissie.
Thank you, Jesus, for My Chrissie. I know she is YOURS.
Yesterday, the best thing on my human brain would have been to sleep in after the week I experienced. That was NOT God’s plan. Instead, I needed to get up early to take Mark to pick up his vehicle. Despite feeling “off”, I went to One Nation Jiu-Jitsu and experienced great teaching. All in all, a stellar day, capped off with watching Tracker and another show with my husband. We went to bed early and I slept deeply.
Around 5 am, the Holy Spirit was nudging me back to Joe Rogan Episode #2358. “What did he actually say—-check the transcript”. Sometime during the last two weeks, I know I had already done this. So, I searched my photos for the screenshot “receipts”.
Luke 2:48 is a bridge…Jesus before 13 💜✝️💜
It’s not my first early morning rodeo with the Holy Spirit. That said, it is the first time I can recall being spurred further to see what I missed. Because, quite frankly, Jesus wasn’t happy with the receipt I kept on my phone. So, I searched that episode number on YouTube and was stopped dead in my tracks.
It also explains to me why WILDERNESS was attached to Jiu-jitsu—-without me ever fully knowing why.
Luke 2:51 💜✝️💜Obedience
After He started buzzing around my brain, I had two of the best hours of sleep possible. When I woke, I grabbed my Bible and flipped. I am meeting Miss Dottie to drop off her order before going to see Miss Becky and getting my hair cut.
I have the option of a leisurely day but MUCH to get accomplished. Best option for me is to ground my day in His Word. What fascinated me was learning most of the notes were from May 2025 onward.
Job or “JOBE” like my MySpace Friend —-now a pastor
At first glance, all I could do was wrestle with the vapor of 5/30/25, 7/27/35 @Casa Mull #ISWYDT, and “lingering” on 8/12/35. Almost instantly, it was contrasted against notes from 11/4/2018, “ Lord, teach me where and how I have been wrong so I may learn and be better reflection of you “
The note from 11/25/18, “Lord, please humble me and teach me why you brought me here again today.”
He had me wrote those notes SEVEN years ago for His good purpose. Not shocking to me was to see the red marker used on 7/27/25 —- the same day I made a Romans 8:28 note. Maybe it’s only funny if you know my habit of enlarging font when He makes a point. Romans 8:28 is actually in the study notes. For me to “write it down” larger is an inside joke, so to speak.
What stands out now are the green highlights from today—fresh, alive, and unmistakably present.
They don’t erase what came before; they build on it. It feels like God is saying, “ You learned what you needed then —-I’m teaching you something new. The same Scripture, the same voice—but a deeper invitation. Not to revisit old pain, but to recognize growth, and to keep learning with an open heart.
I see what He did there…relationship with Him is a whole lot like Jiu-Jitsu. The GrandMaster keeps showing off for The BPC in Tennessee.—-and I am ever-so-grateful. Good heavens, I don’t deserve it—-but boy, oh boy, am I grateful.
This morning started like so many others in this Jiu-Jitsu Wilderness season of mine—me stepping onto the scale. For many years, I enjoyed finding an accompanying Psalm to “weigh in” with whatever I may have flipped to in the Bible.
When I fell down the stairs in March 2022, I was 239 pounds. By October 2023, I was in the 180’s. Fresh eggs and “consider the source” led me to the 160 range.
When I got down to 150, I started reading the exact “Psalm of the Scale”. Letting the Psalms “weigh in” has taken an even deeper turn.
Oh, fair warning, today’s post will be a doozie.
This morning, I weighed in at 141.4.
I was tickled to check Facebook in the potty and see a sweet message from Elaine! In her honor, took a pic from my car this morning. She is 77 and widely known as “Jiu-Jitsu Grandma”. Beautiful soul.
Heck, I didn’t ever post the Jiu-Jitsu manicure and pedicure stories. Now my nails are just at the edge of my fingertips, the shortest they have been in decades! Seeing them in this photo just made me make a mental note. 💜
I digress. It is what I do, at least from time to time.
Most people would see a number at the scale of 141:4 and go elsewhere with it. This may very well be the best chance to explain to someone in the world how Jesus “speaks” to me. I firmly believe He speaks to his kids differently—-they are all unique relationships.
I can’t help that My Jesus led me to feel 13 again these past seven months. Seven complete months as of today. Oh, I see what He did there, too. #ISWYDT
I saw 14 / 14 / 14 / 14. Fourteen forward. Fourteen back. Blonde Polish Chick Brain or Jesus? I’m sticking with Jesus!
Just thinking of the three versions of Black Belt Wisdom makes my head spin. So sweet how Sandra wanted to buy my copy of it at the shop today! Seven weeks doubled” , forward and backward was the second version. This is why Version 2 had 49 quotes forward and 49 more backwards. Seven weeks each.
Bless all Veterans- especially Navy men in their 80’s 💜✝️💜
The Master Edit to offer PRECISELY 44 pieces of cardstock and 88 quotes to give Master Luiz and ONJJ confused me a pinch. Why not 40? These are questions I pray about and wrestle with Him over. I’m going to do what He says, regardless. I just seek to understand. The Boss said 44 and that’s what I gave.
What a perfect gem and different double blessing from Jesus! The number honors Mamaw Ruby’s 100th, my 44 years without her (May 8) our Oszczakiewicz Gracie and Rolls Gracie, as much as it honors ONJJ & Master Luiz!
Just like that, the childlike joy bubbled up and I felt the Holy Spirit nudging me, “Pay attention, sweet daughter of Yah. I’m speaking.”
And so I did what I always do.
I weighed with the Psalms. Literally.
I sent my husband the KJV “ dainties version” first. I know my Ginger Beard Man’s humor and knew he would dig the dainties. 🤣. I also know he needed to know I was focused on the verse prior- when sending the second version.
When waking and weighing, I never flip open my Bible for the verse. For whatever His reason, I am not to look at it or any notes He has had me write until AFTER I google the verse based on the scale.
I typed “Psalm 141:4” into Google to see what language heaven might choose to deliver through the internet today. It reminds me every day of typing in “ISA 63:7” and getting Psalm 63
And the first headline stopped me in my tracks:
God has kept Zahira Zachary singing this very track, “Stay”, over me for two plus weeks. I love, love, LOVE the grappling language. Mark has been leading our Prayer of Jabez since October! He just left me “my wilderness stone” on Saturday, before he got on the plane. Lots of repetition, so perhaps spiritual muscle instantly connected me to ZZ’s “Stay” and 1 Chronicles 4:10 in the same breath.
I accept it is a possible result of spiritual muscle. However, I think it’s far more about His leverage over my life. I take such tremendous joy in submitting to His Will and to Jesus, Himself. I personally do not believe it has anything to do with my strength or spiritual exercises. It’s all about Jesus.
I just really dig the way THE Alpha & Omega talks to The BPC-157 in Tennesseeand how He continues to heal me. 💜✝️💜
No commentary connects this to Psalm 141:4💜✝️💜
In the song, Zahira sounds angelic singing:
“I will stay tethered to You, You close the space between us.
I wish I could explain exactly how it feels. The Lord has been stitching a message through every crack of my days, in every little detail. Good heavens, I just talked to my husband for longer on the phone than I can recall.
We talked about Jesus- Starr -First-Kings-Jiu-Jitsu and a bunch of Dad/Joe, ice cream, passports and TT. That is shorthand for the Godversation which will now be remembered as “ Silhouette: God Sent Moses”. 💜✝️💜
I can’t recall our last phone Godversation that lasted more than ten minutes. We talk a lot in person, not on the phone. Even when he is traveling, we typically keep it short. Whatever His Purpose, I just know I am to write it down—-it matters for reasons I don’t fully understand.
I am to note that “Elizabeth Street” in Florida is connected all God did through My Assisi Elizabeth. My husband doesn’t even know yet . He sent me those pics after we got off the phone! #ISWYDT! God rest her soul and may her girl be thriving in Japan. Here is a “quote-link” to the day I learned my Assisi Angel earned her wings:
Praise God, obedience doesn’t require understanding. It just requires action. So, I am writing it all down in one blog, as directed.
Maybe, just maybe, I feel like a Gen X teenager because I talked to my boyfriend for 47 glorious minutes! The harsh truth is as much as I love my earthly husband, I will always love my heavenly husband more. But, I am giddy to have connected with my earthly love for such a long time.
Mark told me their cabin steward’s name is MOSES. He knew I would get a kick out of it, too. I said, “of course God would send you a Moses for your wilderness at sea!” We had good laughs on the call. Belly laughs!
I saw a full pattern this morning, or so I thought. We never see the full pattern; we are not the Master Designer. But, I saw far more of how the tapestry is stitched together. Then my husband was used to put another cherry on top of another Heavenly Sundae, with Moses . 💜✝️💜. #ISWYDT
Today— Monday, December 8, 2025, I weighed in at 141:4. It’s been tough to add a few pounds ; ideally building up muscle to 150 is the goal. I was nudged to search my ridiculously large photo library for photos of “scale”.
Divine Humor nearly made me piss in my britches! The last time I weighed 141:4, precisely, was the day we finished watching Episode 2358 of the Joe Rogan Experience. Three days later, I posted the link above which tells the Lamentations 3:58 story.
How perfect “Miss Ellie” came in today. 💜✝️💜
Here’s the thing—Psalm 141 isn’t just a prayer. It expresses the human tension of remaining tethered to the One who made me.
It’s the cry of someone who knows their heart is safest only when it’s bound to God. It is the joyous and the grieving tears which have formed two different streams of tears in my 57 years. It’s grief and gratitude intertwined like…grape vines. #ISWYDT2
“Set a guard over my mouth…Keep my heart from drifting…Don’t let me wander into wickedness…
Psalm 141 is the Prayer of Jabez in different clothing.
Not chapter and verse. Not theology. Not in “accepted commentaries”, yet absolutely the commentary Rabbi Jesus is whispering to my heart.
It’s the same Spirit in both. The posture, prayer and surrender are equally yoked between the two Scriptures.
It is a holy awareness that without His hand, we drift. Without His voice, we wander. Without His covering, the wilderness is too much.
It is no accident on Saturday—before any of this unfolded—my husband left town only after printing out the Prayer of Jabez onto green paper and cutting it the way he did.
A stone is always a marker in Scripture. A covenant—-a crossing place and physical reminder that God met you here. My husband “met me in the lab”—- that’s where he left me what the Spirit interpreted to me as a “wilderness stone”. Our marital covenant with each other and Him are all represented in that piece of paper. 💜✝️💜
It makes me smile because Mark probably thought he was just being thoughtful. But in the Spirit, he was participating in something far bigger—marking the very place where God was about to speak Psalm 141 over my 14:14:14:14 morning.
That’s the thing about walking with the Lord in these seasons. He hides messages in plain sight and leaves breadcrumbs in the wilderness.
He sings to me through worship leaders I’ve never met. He speaks through numbers I could never plan to see.
He threads Scripture through songs, stones, scales, and silence.
This has nothing to do with me and EVERYTHING to do with JESUS.
And all of it came down to one word today:
Tethered.
Stay tethered to Him in the wilderness…He will enlarge the path beneath your feet.
Stay tethered in obedience…He will bless you in ways that only make sense in hindsight.
Stay tethered in the stretching…He will double what needed doubling.
This morning wasn’t about weight. It wasn’t about numbers. It wasn’t even about Psalm 141 or Jabez.
It was about the Father closing the space between us, whispering through His Word, His People and His Creation…reaching His Right Hand down to guide my day.
And the wilderness—my Jiu-Jitsu Wilderness—-suddenly didn’t feel empty at all.
It felt holy.
Marked. #ISWYDT
Sung over.
Held.
TETHERED.
And, in true BPC style, I feel like the child playing tetherball Zim-Zam with my sisters at Mamaw and Papaws house. what a precious memory, knocking the heck out of my front tooth and everything!
Thank you, Jesus. What a glorious seven months you have given me. I could never thank you enough !!! How cool to realize I CAN say “never” and mean it—-Never ever could I thank you enough for ALL you have done fore me, mine and humanity.
Thank you for every opportunity you give me to try.
After being long winded on Facebook, I had no time to write the letter by hand for Master Luiz. In the land of me- The BPC- it equated to Divine Humor striking me again. Oh, how it goes with the best laid plans.
Today was “Give it Away” day. By that, I mean give the original working copies of Jiu-Jitsu Wilderness: Black Belt Wisdom to Professors Cliff and Pedro, for Master Luiz. These are the “stones” and echoes the Lord has used to train me in this new wilderness season. It simply had to be today, as Pedro is leaving later tonight or tomorrow.
I had three time sensitive tasks. Find a proper card worthy of Master Luiz, deliver the quote books and arrive at the shop in time for Mark to make his flight.
Lord, may he and his dad enjoy all your travel mercies and blessings. May their cruise be blessed.
That left me 17 minutes to clean up, get dressed and leave the house.
Being me, I decided to give a card from the heart. It’s only counts as sacrifice if it costs you something, right? Well, I have kept a beautiful hand-crafted “you are my sunshine” card for over 20 years. I love, love, LOVED the memories attached. It takes me back to what God did in MySpace for Make a Difference Day.
I wrote my full name and phone number on the back. That’s it. I didn’t even have time to jot down the Psalm 78 scripture I didn’t even take a photo of it. Kind of weird, but also perfect. Master Luiz is exactly 9 years and two days my senior.
May brevity bless us both.
Being the BPC I am, I also had to honor my Chrissie for making me the book I am holding in this photo. Sillies for her Sunbeam has been in my prayer closet for almost a year. Today, I will make Chrissie a special gift, as now I have acquired the proper tools.
Thank you, Jesus, for always, always, ALWAYS and in ALL WAYS having my back.
For posterity, here is the Facebook post. It screams to be included because the center image is cut off at the place it says “create your own “ and the bottom word is SUNSHINE. That’s Divine Editing as far as I am concerned. There was no BJJ quote book, so I literally created my own.
For clarity, the center post was 12 years ago. It was roughly six months after our “Oszczakiewicz Gracie” went to heaven. Our Gracie (24) died 31 years (plus one day) after Rolls Gracie, (31). Our Gracie passed in a tragic car accident and Rolls in a hang gliding accident. I have been imagining their Godversations and wondering what my own earthly father would agree, “the qualities and character existing inside truly make me my father’s daughter”. 💜✝️💜
Rolls became extra important to me once I learned he was Master Luiz favorite Professor/Coach The link above the one for my dad goes to Anabel Grace Lee’s obituary. It talks about her living life on a “higher plane” and I’m fairly certain some angels have been working overtime on behalf of Polish-Chinese-Americans everywhere. Our Gracie would have hang-glided with Rolls, no doubt.
Bottom line, this gift honors so much more than The Gracie Family, BJJ, Master Luiz and ONJJ. It honors my Oszczakiewicz and Mull roots, as well. Most importantly, it honors the One who sent me to ONJJ via Joe Rogan and Chadd Wright on Episode #2358.
Excuse me while I giggle about about “JRE #2358 popped the BPC’s BJJ cherry.” 🤣🤣🤣
Without further Adieu…
9 photos from this day over 16 years…Rather perfect is the center image. #ISWYDT
And, for the cherry on top, when Mark left the shop, I went to the lab. My sweet GBM left me the best encouragement, without knowing anything about what the Lord is showing me about my wilderness stones.
Yeppers, the Blonde Polish Chick has “stones” of the best variety. The stones Father God gave me are getting polished quite sweetly these days.
For a project given to me by the spirit weeks ago, it has now been officially rebuilt from scratch for the THIRD TIME!
My girls, Morgan and Lyss, visited and let me complete the project. It exported to PDF and I took that little Zip drive to Staples.
Everything is printed on nice cardstock.
Tomorrow, I shall trim the sheets and bind them by my prayer-filled hands.
Thank you, Jesus. You really wanted this gift to be given to Master Luiz, ONJJ and the BJJ community. Please prepare the hearts of those who receive it for ONJJ , Pedro and Master Perez. Thank you for staying on my back and holding me close. I love, love, LOVE you.
Sometimes a song doesn’t just settle into the background of your day. It becomes a doorway.
I was driving, minding my own thoughts, when the line came through the speakers. Not dramatic, not even loud—just a reminder that what I have been given is “is gift of His great love.”
Zahara Zachary, I pray every human hears your talent and the song, “Stay”.
I wasn’t thinking about traffic, or errands, or anything practical. I was back in the heart-space where I first learned that I am invited, not because I earned it, but because I am wanted.
Jesus loves me big time. He loves you big time, as well. He had my spirit tied up in Psalm 5:7. 💜✝️💜
There is a point in every journey when you stop asking whether you are allowed to be there. When you stop apologizing for entering the room. When your head stops bowing from shame and starts bowing from reverence. That shift is subtle, but it changes everything.
I still haven’t written about purchasing a one year membership at One Nation Jiu-Jitsu – yesterday- but I know I belong there as much as anyone else.
The song is the bridge between where I was and where I’m going.
It reminded me of the girl I was at sixteen buying a sweater she didn’t think she deserved, and it reminded me of the woman I am now—walking into a dojo for a full year of training, not as an outsider, but as someone who belongs.
Same heartbeat. Different posture.
Love opens the door. But there comes a moment when love also hands you the key.
That’s Isaiah 22:22.
Not because you demand authority, but because you have learned to carry obedience differently. Because you understand the weight of what has been entrusted to you. Because you’ve walked through enough wilderness to know the difference between performance and calling.
This particular song illuminates what was already buried under the years: I enter by grace continue for His Good Purposes.
And maybe that’s the most beautiful thing…
Realizing I don’t just get to walk through the door.
My God Room 